I love Neil deGrasse Tyson. The world would be a much better place if more people were like him. Also, I want him to be my dad. So, Neil, if you’re reading this, will you please be my dad and take me to ball games and go fishing with me? Please. I’ll be good. I promise. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ed74p6jEjZU
Below I’ve provide but a small sampling of links to articles which illustrate the dumbness of Americans. I love being an American and value greatly the rights I have as one. But there is no excuse for the most powerful and the wealthiest nation on the planet to have so many of its citizens so lacking in knowledge and critical reasoning skills. No bloody excuse at all.
In news today from across the pond, British first grader, Timmy T. Sipper, released the following statement with the aid of his teacher, Ivana Biskit. “I think that Americans are the biggest dumb, dumbs ever because they think learning is bad, so they don’t do it. They think the world is so young that we lived with dinosaurs together and that did not happen because I like dinosaurs and even I know people didn’t live with them. They were SOOO big, they would eat you if you saw one and there would not be any people left. It is stupid not to learn because that is why we have our brains to make us smarter.
My teacher said Americans think all the stars up there too aren’t old and that they are little like me. That is stupider than when my friend Sally put the glue on her sandwich and ate it and threw up on Ms. Biskit’s desk and it smelled bad when Ms. Biskit put this green stuff on it that made us get sicker cause it was smellier than Sally’s throw-up. When I do things that are dumb, my Mum gets really mad and says, ‘Don’t be dumb and do dumb stuff. Be smart and do smart stuff and listen to Ms. Biskit causes she’s smart and went to school a long time to learn things to teach you.’ So Americans, you are dumb and need to listen and not be dumb cause it’s stupid to be dumb when there’s people who went to school a long time to help you not be dumb. Thank you and don’t be so dumb anymore, Timmy T. Sipper.”
The latest non-believer in the conservative Christian dog house, “Cosmos” host, Neil deGrasse Tyson, was accused this morning of being a cannibal by a Christian rights activist named Mary Slickpusie. “Mr. Tyson walked up to me last night as I was nailing a sign to his front door reading, ‘Stop Polluting God’s Children With Lies About Evolution Or We’ll Kill You,’ and gave me the most evil look I’ve ever seen, anyone give anyone, ever,” Ms. Slickpusie said to reporters this morning.”The look was so filled with the evil power of Satan, it allowed Mr. Tyson to project his thoughts into my mind telepathically. Once there, he informed me he hated Jesus so much he ate Christian babies, alive, every night just to make him cry.
Neil Tyson should be arrested, castrated, and fed alive to starving crocodiles for projecting his thoughts into my mind without asking for permission and for cannibalizing Christian infants on a nightly basis. And just in case no one’s noticed, Mr. Tyson is black. That alone is enough to convict and hang him in some Conservative, Christian States. Thus, I’m asking that the FBI and the CIA join forces immediately to hunt down and kill Neil deGrasse Tyson and bring an end to his campaign of hate against Jesus, the Bible, and racist, conservative, richer than any Liberal will ever be, Christians once and for all. Amen, and Hallelujah!”
Backwater, Tennessee. An outspoken, and very angry, Southern Christian pastor, The Reverend James Tightsphincter, is claiming the new version of “Cosmos” is not only dumb, it’s stupid.
“First off,” Mr. Tightsphincter said this morning, “Mike Tyson is a gosh darned ex-boxer and a convicted felon! What in the H E double toothpicks makes him qualified to host a program about the cosmos? Really?! I mean COME ON!!! Secondly, it is HIGHLY insulting to air such, excuse my French, crud on TV because it is demeaning to Christians like me who are very, very smart and know that the Bible is the ONLY truth there is to EVER know about space and stuff! OOH!!!! I’m telling you, I could poop nickles right about now, I’m so mad!!! Does Mike Tyson think, that just because he’s a big, bad tough guy with a tattooed face, that he can go on TV and tell people lies about the origin of man?! That no good-nick! God made man, and he made him 6000 years ago. That’s an undeniable fact, Mr. Heavyweight Man! And that, excuse my French again, crud you said about the universe being billions of years old is also NOT true. You liar, liar pants on fire, you! There’s harm in telling such lies, pal. They have frightened and angered my poor Jesus loving children SOOOO much, they stormed the local library and pee-peed on every book they found which contained pictures of boxers and/or stars in it.
You are dumb, Mr. Mike Tyson! And one day, you’ll get your comeuppance because I, and many other Southern Christian conservatives like me, have really, really big guns and we KNOW how to use them! We are not afraid Mr. Blasphemer. We are not afraid of you one tiny bit. Now why don’t you put that on your stupid TV show and smoke it, eh?