Orange Panther Movie With Donald Trump Coming Soon

Donald Trump As The Orange Panther

Hollywood California.   Because of the great success of the movie Black Panther, now in theaters, Donald Trump has decided to make a movie about himself called Orange Panther.   “Look,” President Trump said earlier today, “black people are not the only minorities out there who want to see themselves represented on screen in movies.   As an orange person, I find it rather offensive that people of my color aren’t represented more in films.   I’ve lived most of my life as if I were a super hero anyway, so making a super hero movie about it will be easy.   Throughout my life, as I’ve dealt with great prejudice due to my skin color, I’ve always fought crime wherever and whenever it reared its ugly head.   Many do not know this, but I was born with the speed and agility of a cat.   The minute I came out of my mother’s womb, I leapt about the hospital delivery room looking for a litter box as if I were a cat that greatly needed to pee.   As a toddler, I fought evil in my preschool by scratching out the eyes of any kid who crossed me.   Now, as a grown up, I often dress up in my super-duper powered cat suit to stop people from having premarital sex.  I stealthily walk along the outside ledges of skyscrapers peeking into bedroom windows in search of unwed people having sex.  When I find them, I use my super cat vision to check their fingers for wedding rings.  If they’re not wearing them, I crash through the window, pee on the culprits with my super powered cat-scented pee, then leap back out of the broken window hissing like the kitty cat I am.

So, as you can see, I’ve already been living the life of a super hero in my day-to-day life ever since I was a youth.   To make the film, I’ll simply have a camera man follow me about on my late night crime fighting adventures and film them as they happen–reality TV meets the super hero genre, BIGLY TIME!   I already have the cat suit, the powers, and I’m orange,  so special effects will not be needed.   I’m hoping to release the movie on October 31st so it can open on Halloween.  Cats are really popular on that day, so the movie will make tons of money.  It is time for orange people to be represented in films, and, by God, I’m going to be the one to do it.   So clear your calendar for Halloween of this year because it’s gonna be a historic moment in film you will not want to miss.  MEOW!!

Man Quits Job As Cat Juggler After Being Scratched

Ned Kneeler Plying His Former Trade

Ned Kneeler Plying His Former Trade

Meow Mix Central, South Dakota.   A professional cat juggler today, Ned Kneeler, quite his job after being scratched on the arm whilst twirling 3 cats in the air simultaneously.   “It REALLY hurt,” Mr. Kneeler said earlier.  “I reached out to take hold of one of the cats, and it scratched my arm.   The pain was so severe, as was the shock of what had just happened to me, that I almost dropped the three cats I was juggling on the ground.  I didn’t, and they’re all safe, but I’m done juggling cats for a living.   I’ve been doing it ever since I learned how from a traveling gypsy woman almost 30 years ago.   If I’d had known then what I do now, that cats don’t like to be juggled and can scratch you while you’re doing it, I’d have found a different way to make my living.  I’m out of the cat juggling business as of today.  Luckily, I still have a thriving infant juggling business to keep me afloat until I find something else to do.  I wonder if puppy juggling might not be safer?”

Self-Awarded Nobel Prize Winning Inventions

Here’s a list of some amazing gadgets I’ve invented for which I’ve awarded myself the Nobel Prize.

1.) Gasoline powered basketballs that play an entire game all by themselves with only a single fill up and no players.

Gasoline Powered Basket Balls Eliminate Need For Players

Gasoline Powered Basket Balls Eliminate Need For Players

2.) Chinchilla condoms: Designed to make her happy while keeping you warm.

Chinchilla Condoms Give Both Size & Warmth To Your Johnson

Chinchilla Condoms Give Both Size & Warmth To Your Johnson

3.) Rape-Free Catholic Priest Robots: They do all the work a regular priest does minus the pedophile rape.

Guaranteed NOT To Rape Even The Cutest Little Boys

Guaranteed NOT To Rape Even The Cutest Of Little Boys

4.) Salt-encrusted band aids for people whose boo-boos you don’t really want to see heal.

Warning: Use Only On Your Enemies

Warning: Use Only On Your Enemies, OUCH!!!

5.) Goldfish polish. A happy goldfish is one that glistens.

One Goldfish, Freshly Polished

One Goldfish, Freshly Polished

6.) Solar powered cats that require no food or water, ever. Just give them 8 to 9 hours of sun light every day, and they’ll last for decades.

Solar Powered Cat Acting Like Non-Solar Powered Cat

Solar Powered Cats Act Just Like Non-Solar Powered Cats & Require No Food Or Water

7.) King cobras that seek out and bite only KKK members.

KKK Killing Cobra

KKK Killing Cobras: They Just HATE Racist Bigots!

8.) Rat-hair socks. 20 rats go into the making of each pair.

Rat-Hair Socks

Put Rats To A Good Use: Wear Rat-Hair Socks

9.) Battery/AC powered panties for the woman who prefers to do everything herself.

Battery/AC Powered Panties

Keep Your Privy Parts Juicy With Battery/AC Powered Panties

Above items can be purchased for just 8.99 each at the ACP online shop. Thanks for reading, and thank you for not smoking while the ride was in motion.