Self-Awarded Nobel Prize Winning Inventions

Here’s a list of some amazing gadgets I’ve invented for which I’ve awarded myself the Nobel Prize.

1.) Gasoline powered basketballs that play an entire game all by themselves with only a single fill up and no players.

Gasoline Powered Basket Balls Eliminate Need For Players

Gasoline Powered Basket Balls Eliminate Need For Players

2.) Chinchilla condoms: Designed to make her happy while keeping you warm.

Chinchilla Condoms Give Both Size & Warmth To Your Johnson

Chinchilla Condoms Give Both Size & Warmth To Your Johnson

3.) Rape-Free Catholic Priest Robots: They do all the work a regular priest does minus the pedophile rape.

Guaranteed NOT To Rape Even The Cutest Little Boys

Guaranteed NOT To Rape Even The Cutest Of Little Boys

4.) Salt-encrusted band aids for people whose boo-boos you don’t really want to see heal.

Warning: Use Only On Your Enemies

Warning: Use Only On Your Enemies, OUCH!!!

5.) Goldfish polish. A happy goldfish is one that glistens.

One Goldfish, Freshly Polished

One Goldfish, Freshly Polished

6.) Solar powered cats that require no food or water, ever. Just give them 8 to 9 hours of sun light every day, and they’ll last for decades.

Solar Powered Cat Acting Like Non-Solar Powered Cat

Solar Powered Cats Act Just Like Non-Solar Powered Cats & Require No Food Or Water

7.) King cobras that seek out and bite only KKK members.

KKK Killing Cobra

KKK Killing Cobras: They Just HATE Racist Bigots!

8.) Rat-hair socks. 20 rats go into the making of each pair.

Rat-Hair Socks

Put Rats To A Good Use: Wear Rat-Hair Socks

9.) Battery/AC powered panties for the woman who prefers to do everything herself.

Battery/AC Powered Panties

Keep Your Privy Parts Juicy With Battery/AC Powered Panties

Above items can be purchased for just 8.99 each at the ACP online shop. Thanks for reading, and thank you for not smoking while the ride was in motion.

 

 

 

 

God’s Non-Existence No Excuse For Bigotry, Says A-theist

Non-Believe It Or Else, Atheist Mega Church

Non-Believe It Or Else: A-theist Mega Church

A member of the “Non-Believe It Or Else” a-theist Mega Church in Corpus Christi, Texas today said God was a bigot and discriminates horribly against a-theists, even though he does not exist. “God’s non-existence does not excuse his treatment of a-theists,” said Joe Asinine, cannibal and head chef for the “Non-Believe It Or Else” restaurant and grill. “He allows Catholic Priests to rape little boys while the hierarchy of the Catholic Church moves them from one unknowing parish to another, thus allowing the rape to continue; yet, somehow, the Catholic Church, as an institution, has not been held accountable for doing this. Well, we a-theists want the SAME deal for our church leaders that they have! What, did you think JUST because someone’s a leader in an a-theist church they don’t crave the pleasure and power-rush of raping a child just as much as Catholic Priests do? Shit, if the a-theist leaders of a-theist Mega Churches were raping their child members and got caught, Christians would burn them alive for it. They sure as shit wouldn’t show them any special deference. Hell, Christians hate us just because we don’t believe in their particular god (and occasional eat their young). Imagine they’re feelings if we tossed some a-theist-leadership child-rapists into the mix as well, ouch!

Atheist Rapists Want The Same Deference This Priest Rapist Gets

Atheist Rapists Want The Same Deference This Priest Rapist Gets

BIGOTS! They’re fucking BIGOTS! And they’re non-existent god is as bigoted as they are for allowing them the deference to rape kids unheeded by the laws of man, while denying us the same deference simply because we know he isn’t real. This is the non-existent nothingness that is god fucking with our rape-rights to fresh child-meat, and it’s NOT FAIR!!!  Damn it! An a-theist child rapist who wants access to little boy ass, along with freedom from any serious retributions, would have to force himself to fake a belief in Jesus in order to become a rapist Catholic Priest. I truly resent people not granting the a-theist rapist members of my Mega Church the same deference they do Catholic Priest rapists simply because they do not believe in Jesus. This shows just how bigoted god and Christians truly are against a-theists. We can’t even get a break when we rape kids like they do. And that is bullshit, man. Pure and simple.”