Tag Archives: Catholic Church

05.30.15
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On Grace And Forgiveness

Grace_Saved_Faith_version_2_by_Valster73The concept of Grace used to come up quite often during my 15 years of formal Catholic education, but I’ve retained little of what I learned about it back then.  So I recently decided to re-enlighten myself on the subject by reading what the Catholic Church and one or two other Christian denominations had to say about it.  In all honesty, if I hadn’t already been an a-theist, I’d have become one based solely upon what I read.  Though there are subtle semantic differences to how, say, Lutherans and Catholics define “grace”, the basic premise, and one I find deeply insulting, is fundamentally the same.  Because of Adam and Eve’s original disgusting sin, little ‘ol me and you were born into this world with our immortal souls awash in filth, evil, debauchery, and contempt for God, our Master.  It is only by the “grace” of this same benevolent and all-loving Master that the rancid stench of insipid evil can be bleached from our souls and save us from an eternity of burning agony in Hell.

Our Master sending his beloved son, Jesus, to be brutally tortured and crucified on our behaves is the only “grace” needed to save us, according to some Christian doctrines.  Others claim we must more actively earn the Master’s “grace” through obtaining sacraments and verbally abusing gays, Jews, and Democrats.  Even others say we have the Master’s “grace” and are saved, or we don’t, and will burn. Period. We won’t know which, until we die and awake either burning in Hell or having amazing oral sex performed on us by the person or persons we most want performing oral sex on us in Heaven.

I find such beliefs to be immoral, repugnant, anti-human, and personally offensive.  I am not evil and I do not require a made up creature to give me “grace” for anything.  Such thinking, in my completely honest opinion, is at the core of man’s inhumanity toward man. This includes all forms of child abuse, rape, war, torture, and poverty. Human beings are not born stained.  It is doctrines like those describing “grace” that stain the collective human consciousness with a guilt it neither deserves, nor needs. We are all there is of us.  No god or grace from a god is needed to save anyone. We are important to ourselves because we are here.  And if tomorrow we are not here, there will be no one to notice, much less care. We truly are THAT unimportant to the universe.

05.03.15
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Former Pope, Benedict, Converts To Islam To Wed 12 Year Old Girl: Part Two

Former Pope, Benedict As He Looks Today

Former Pope, Benedict, Now Sheikh Allah BaBa BooBoo

Shitland, Ohio.  Hello to all my fans! This is Sheikh Allah BaBa BooBoo, formerly know as Pope Benedict XVI.  I’ve noticed many of you have shown an interest in me and my decision to convert to Islam so that I could wed the love of my life, a 12-year-old girl-child whose name embarrassingly alludes me at the moment.

Who'd Think She Was Only 13, Eh?

Allah BaBa BooBoo’s 4th wife, Ms. “Hey-You-Get-The-Fuck-Over-Here-Now-“

Well, you’ll be happy to know that not only do I now belong to a true monotheistic religion, there is NO god but Allah, I’m happily married to not one but 5 brides all under the age of 13!  I can’t tell you what country I’m in, for fear the parents of my brides might track me down and do horrible things to me, but I can tell you I’m quite sexually satiated and at peace with God (and the laws of the country where I live).  It is a true blessing not to have to explain that Christian nonsense about 3 being 1 anymore. No one is that stupid, and Christians embarrass themselves every time the topic comes up.

Young Bride-Beater Bullwhip

Young Bride-Beater Bullwhip

I get up each morning and have 5 very young brides hopping about doing whatever I demand of them.  And I truly believe that, though they may feel they MUST do as I demand because of the large bull whip I use on them when they don’t, they do the things I demand out of a deep love and respect they have for me, Sheikh Allah BaBa BooBoo.  Life is good, my friends. The key to being happy, I’ve found, is living in a country where your particular sexual fetish isn’t just accepted, it’s considered the will of God that you act upon it.  I’ll check back soon.  Bye til then, Sheikh Allah BaBa BooBoo

05.03.15
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Former Pope, Benedict, Converts To Islam To Wed 12 Year Old Girl

Former Pope, Benedict, As he Looks Today

Former Pope, Benedict, As he Looks Today

Unbelievableville, New Jersey.  News out of the Middle East today is that former Pope, Benedict, has converted to Islam in order to wed a 12-year-old girl he first saw while on vacation in Orlando this past winter. “I saw her coming off the ‘It’s A Small World’ ride at Disney World and knew I had to have her,” said Benedict, who now calls himself Sheikh Allah BaBa BooBoo. “My mind immediately began to race toward ways I could possess a young girl both legally and morally, and I decided the best way would be to convert to Islam, kidnap the child, take her to a country run by fanatical Muslim idealists, and marry the bitch there. That’s exactly what I did, too. And there ain’t a fuckin’ thing anyone can do or say about it because my faith allows my disgusting behavior. And, since the world gives religion a blind deference, you can just piss off if you don’t like it.”  It is not known which Muslim country Sheikh BaBa BooBoo is living in, but President Obama released a statement today claiming his hands were tied in this matter due to it being a religious issue and imaginary, invisible beings were involved that could send him to Hell if he angered them by interfering.

03.13.15
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Vatican Admits Priests Rape Children Because It Feels Good

Cause It Feels Good, Says The Vatican

Because It Feels Good, Says The Vatican

Vatican City, Rome.  Vatican spokesman, Cardinal Bob Onboidick, said today that priests not only rape children because it feels good, but because they know they can almost always get away with it. “Look,” said Cardinal Onboidick this morning, “placing your penis into a child’s orifice, any orifice, feels WONDERFUL! But doing it to a child who trusts you as God’s representative on Earth, well, that feeling is indescribable to anyone who isn’t in a position to abuse a child in such a way. And, I gotta tell you, knowing that the hierarchy of the Catholic Church will bend over backwards to hide and protect us after we’ve been accused of raping children, just makes raping them all the more desirable.

Cardinal Bob Onboicock With An 8 Year Old Boy He Raped Many Times

Cardinal Bob Onboidick Stalks His Prey

We priests receive an amazing amount of undeserved deference from our followers just because we’ve convinced them Jesus is a real dude and we personally have a connection to him. Why not take advantage of that and rape their children when they entrust them into our care? We absolutely LOVE it! We’ve been raping children, and being excused for it, for well over a thousand years now, and we see no reason to stop. The Catholic Church is a religion: a faith-based organization that can not be touched by the normal laws of man because humans think invisible, non-existent deities are far more important than the orifices of their very own offspring. We, at the Vatican, want to thank the followers of Jesus for allowing us the continued opportunity to fuck their children. We like it, and we’ve no intention of ever stopping. Thank you once again, and please, don’t forget to give money to your local Church during mass this Sunday. Amen.”

That Big, Purple Lollipop Is For You Timmy. Just Come A Bit Closer And Put It In Your Mouth

That Big, Purple Lollipop Is For You Timmy. Just Come A Bit Closer And Put It In Your Mouth

Catholic Church Claims It Can Refuse To Pay Victims Of Sex Abuse Because Of Religious Freedom | ThinkProgress

02.11.15
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Jesus Offers Solution To Pedophile Rapist Priest Problem

Jesus Telling Two Child Rape Victims To Forgive Their Rapist

Jesus Telling Two Child Rape Victims To Forgive Their Rapist

Jesus, that wacky, hard to reach all-caring god, offered his solution today to the problem of pedophile rapist priests in the Catholic Church. “Look,” Jesus said,” let’s get one thing straight first: no one’s perfect. We need to forgive these poor priests and continue to secretly relocate them each time they are accused of little boy rape because, well, it’s stressful to be accused of little boy rape, even when it’s true.  Also, by putting focus on priests who prey on and rape little boys, we take the focus off the REAL problems corrupting the world today: Gays getting married and gays existing in the first place. There would be no little boy rapist priests if there where no gays to begin with. Kill the problem at the source I say.  Abort any fetus and kill any infant that has ANY statistical probability of turning out gay.  A mother who likes musical theater, for example, is FAR more likely to produce a male child who’ll like it too.  And EVERYONE knows that men who like musical theater focus on cocks the way cats focus on mice. Kill ’em in the womb, baby! Nothing immoral about abortion then, I say.  As for adult men who suck the cocks of other men, they should be flayed alive and fed to the poor.  Two problems are solved there.

Remember, though it may hard to do at first, that gays are the real problem with just about everything wrong in the world today.  They are demons, not the Catholic Cardinals who shelter little boy rapist priests nor the little boy rapist priests themselves. That’s my word for today. Thank you, and please, remember, NEVER fuck anyone you haven’t wed through the Catholic Church and NEVER use birth control. Amen.

Note: Here is a link to a legitimate website which lists known pedophile rapist priests and other rapists working in the Catholic Church throughout America.  Priest Search

01.21.15
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Catholic Church Approves Gay Marriage

Well, SOME gay marriage that is.  Fr. Tom McStrokin’, the Vatican’s chief expert on right and wrong, issued a proclamation today stating that marriage between members of the same-sex is not only acceptable, but desired. That is as long as the same-sex members involved are smoking hot young women.

Same Sex Marriage Approved For These Women

Same Sex Marriage Approved For These Women

“Here at Vatican headquarters,” McStrokin’ said, “we find sexual activity between two smokin’ hot babes to be a turn on and beautiful.  And because WE are turned on by this, and WE determine what is normal or aberrant behavior in others, WE say two babes getting married rocks!  We are recommending that all Christian denominations follow our lead in this as well as all of America. The more hot young babes who marry, the more young hot lesbian sex there will be! And that is something we here at the Vatican most definitely see as morally righteous and healthy.  Yours in Christ, Fr. Tom McStrokin’ ”

 

06.25.14
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Catholics Engaging In Unwed Sex More Vile Than Hitler Says Vatican

Can anything be more vile than Hitler and the Nazis? “Yes,” says Fr. Phillip Boibutt, Vatican representative on righteous morality. “Hitler was clearly suffering from a depression that made him do questionable things he’d surely have apologized for later, had he not killed himself to avoid being sodomized by the invading Russian army,” Fr. Boibutt stated. “But Catholics who have sexual contact of any kind outside of a Church approved marriage, for any reason other than making more Catholics, are an evil so disgusting and insipid in nature, even leftist liberals, who nightly tear fetuses from their mother’s wombs, just for fun, pale by comparison.

Unwed, Sexually Active Catholic Being Flayed, Alive

Unwed, Sexually Active Catholic Being Flayed, Alive

The Vatican is starting a program to hunt down and slowly flay, alive, any Catholic engaging in sexual activities outside of a Church approved marriage. And, yes, masturbation is most definitely considered a sexual activity outside of marriage. So remember, if you wank, you die. It’s God’s will that we kill you for wasting His precious semen. We’re just waiting on the Pope’s final approval to begin the flaying. Gonna be MESSY!”