Virgin Mary Says, Use Birth Control For Christ’s Sake

“If you are going to make the beast with two backs and do not want a baby or an STD, then use a damn condom!” The Virgin Mary said today at the President’s Advisory Committee For The Eradication Of Archaic Thought meeting. “Condoms save lives. Thinking like a 4000 year old Biblical figure doesn’t. And not every woman is lucky enough to have a husband like my Joseph, who’s a sweet bloke, but just about as naive and thick as they come. So if you’re gettin’ a little somethin’, somethin’ on the side, and don’t think your fella will buy the, ‘I was raped by God and it’s His baby,’ story, use a damn condom!”