“Hey, man,” says Pepe the Frog, “Why ain’t Black Friday called White Friday?”
Tadpole Town, Oklahoma. Spokesman and symbol for the Alt Right movement, Pepe the Frog, said today it is highly racist and insulting to call the day after Thanksgiving, Black Friday. “It feels bad, man,” Pepe said earlier. “Why ain’t the day after Thanksgiving called White Friday? Somethin’ wrong with the color white? Oh, wait! Of course there is. White is the color of the most horribly maligned and abused men in America: xenophobic, racist, misogynistic bigots. What the hell gives people the right to frown on a group of white dudes simply because they’re misogynists, bigots and racists? Prick these men and will they not bleed? Call them names and will they not cry? Give them a black President and will they not feel marginalized and outraged? They are but human, and it’s time they were treated that way.
Every year these poor men must endure the blatant horror that is the day after Thanksgiving: Black Friday. Well, I say enough. Now that we have an orange President who understands the trauma these men have suffered under the color of Barrack Obama’s skin for 8 years, it’s time to do right by ’em and re-name Black Friday, White Friday. Black has had its time in the sun. It’s time to send it back to the 18th century so that the better color, white, can once again dominate every facet of the American life. And what better way is there to help do this then by re-naming Black Friday, White Friday? None that I can think of, that’s for sure.”
I’ve very few words for this New York Times compilation video showing Trump supporters spewing hatred at his rallies over the past year. I hope the GOP is proud of the Presidential candidate its voting base has elected. I’ve issues with Hillary Clinton, many, but I seriously doubt people are shouting racial slurs, misogynistic rhetoric and threats to kill Mexican people and Trump, at her rallies. This video is a must see. What a shameful time to be an American. VIEW VIDEO
The ‘Lil Republican Hand Gun
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Charles A. Murray: The Man who Proved Wealthy, White, Conservative Males Are Genetically Superior To Woman And Blacks
Cul-De-Sac City, Florida. Charles A. Murray, author of the book, The Bell Curve which proved to the world that wealthy, white conservative men are genetically superior to woman, blacks and Latinos, released his new book today entitled, The Genetic Inferiority Of People Named Joe, and had this to say about it. “This new book is the result of decades of research conducted by a plethora of really smart scientists named Ted and Arnold. They, like me, have always known that people named Joe are simply not born with the genetic capacity to be as smart, wealthy, or good-looking as people not named Joe. The scientific research in my book proves, conclusively, that any person, man or woman, named Joe is, genetically speaking, inferior to the rest of humanity. And, I say, because of this, they should be rounded up and placed into sheltered “Joe” camps as to not bother the rest of us with their idiotic blubbering and repulsive looks. It is time to put the reigns on people named Joe and make the streets of our cities safe once more for our children. Buy my book, for just 27.95 a copy, to find out how you can get involved in the End Joe movement today. Order now and receive a God Hates Joe T-shirt, absolutely free, while supplies last.”
“You’re either an American or an Indian,” shouts Donald Trump. “You can’t be both!”
Badhair City, Iowa. Republican Presidential candidate, Donald Trump, today vowed that if he is elected President, he will send the Indians back to India. “Let’s face it,” Trump said, “there’s no such thing as an ‘American Indian’. People from America are Americans, and people from India are Indians. The Indians have been a thorn in the side of America since it was founded by wealthy, white, conservative Christian men in the early 1950’s. Anyone who’s seen a John Wayne Western can tell you this. Therefor, in order to end the pestilence that is the Indian in America I, if elected President, will send every last one of them back to their native India and place a 50 foot wall along the American, Indian border to forever keep them there. So, come November 2016, vote for Donald Trump for President. It’s the white thing to do.”
Donald Trump’s Final Solution To The Mexican “Problem”
Genocidal City, New Jersey. Republican Presidential candidate, Donald Trump, announced today that he has rebuilt the Death Star, last destroyed in 1983 by Jedi Knight Luke Skywalker and his Rebel Alliance, in order to use it on Mexicans. “Imagine how much faster the Native Americans would have been wiped out had our white American ancestors used a weapon like this on them,” Trump said earlier today.
Darth Trump, Dark Lord Of The Wealthy
“There can be no doubt about it,” Trump also said. “Mexicans are the greatest threat facing wealthy, white American bigots like myself today. Sure, they take care of our gardens and our children, and they clean our homes for as little as we can legally get away with paying them, but, besides that, what good are they? They don’t look like us. They don’t speak our language, and most of ’em are poorer than church mice. You simply can’t get more un-American than that. So, through various snaky and slimy legal loopholes, I’ve managed to spend several billion dollars, all at the tax payers’ expense, mind you, to reconstruct the Death Star in order to obliterate the “Mexican” problem permanently. Our loving forefathers wiped out the pestilence that was the American Indian to the point that, today, very few of them remain, and those that do certainly pose no threat to our white way of life. My goal is to use the Death Star to do the same with the Mexicans. I simply must keep America pure for real Americans. What kind of President would I make if I didn’t? May The $Force$ Be With You.”
Trump’s Toupee, Just Minutes After Eating Him
Assville, New York. In shocking news today, Donald Trump, Republican presidential candidate, bigot, and all around shit-heal, was devoured by his own toupee whilst hurling racial insults at Mexicans during a press conference. “It was the craziest thing I’ve ever seen,” said Fox News reporter, Ivana Blowyew. “Mr. Trump was proudly denouncing Mexican people and boldly proclaiming the superiority of filthy rich, conservative white males when his toupee began chewing him up and swallowing him. The more Mr. Trump screamed, the faster the toupee ate. Blood was spewing everywhere. It ended after about 5 minutes when the toupee swallowed Mr. Trump’s feet and shoes and let out a final, enormous belch. The toupee paused for a few minutes to let photographers in the room get a few pictures of it, then it scurried away out an open window. The whole thing was just horrible. Hopefully the toupee will leave other stinking rich, conservative, balding white bigots alone, but from what I saw, I’d say the damn thing has developed a craving for them. So, be on the lookout if you match this description.”