The Only Photo Of Bigbutt Known To Exist
Sphincterville, Wisconsin. Undoubtedly, if you are a true-blooded, God-fearing American, you’ve heard of, and most likely believe in, a creature known as Bigfoot. Well, what you most likely do not know, is that Bigfoot is not alone in the woods of America. He has a lesser known, though no less elusive, cousin known only as Bigbutt. Bigbutt was first sighted and photographed about 2 hours ago by a drunken hunter named John “Sharp-Nipples” McGinn whilst he was peeing in the woods near his cabin in Fish Creek, Wisconsin. “Ah wen’ out ta take me a huge pee, when alluva a sudden, a huge, hair covered butt come a walkin’ at me from outta da trees,” Mr. McGinn told reporters an hour ago. “Da dang thing had ta be a’ least 4 foot across ‘n 3 foot high. I took out ma phone ‘n I snapped da picture of it y’all see here. The dang thing smelled kinda like a day old burrito dat was left out in da hot sun o’ August. I screamed like a young gal who juz got ‘er first un-asked-fer kissed when I sawed it. Dat made it shake itself until both its cheeks butt-slammed tagether makin’ a thunder-like sound dat rocked da trees aroun’ it so hard dey all ex-foliated a’ once. Den it kinda made a fartin’ soun’ and it wabbled off inta ta woods, leavin’ behin’ it da foul smell I talked ’bout be’fer. Lucky fer you all I gots dis picture of it. I knows no one’d believe me utterwise. It was a terrifyin’ experience. Blessed be Jeebus fer seein’ to it dat I did survive dis encounter wit da monster known now ‘n ferever more as, Bigbutt.”
Bigbutt Witness And Photographer, John “Sharp-Nipples” McGinn Takes A Shot Of Vodka In Honor Of The Beast
The Arm Chair Pontificator 