Big Foot released a statement today that he has shot and killed,”2 redneck som’bitchin’ hillbillies”, whom he claims have been trying to kill him for years.
“I finally got those som’bitches,” Mr. Foot told Fox News earlier today. “I saved up my pennies and dimes and bought me a double barrel shot-gun. I sawed off the first 8” of the barrels, and waited for those hillbilly bastards to leave their tent to hunt me. Then I blew their fuckin’ faces off. Dumb hillbilly bastards. I’m going to tour with the bodies in a few months once I kill me a few more people to put on display along with ’em. I’m thinking, maybe, some terrorists or somethin’. Those’ll look mighty nice next to these 2 dumb bastards’ corpses, I reckon.
I got me a pal in Omaha who’s a kick-ass taxidermist. I’ll have him stuff my kills in action poses for the tour, you know, ta make my narration of events seem cooler ‘n shit. Anyways, keep yer eyes open for the tour. I think I’ll call it, ‘Big Foot’s Tour With The Bodies Of The Dumb-Ass Hillbillies Who Tried To Kill Him, Minus Their Faces ‘Cause They’s Been Blowed Off.’ Wadda ya all think?” Stay tuned to Fox for more on this story as it breaks.