Elie Wiesel Passes Away, Donates Hair To Bernie Sanders

Elie Wiesel, holocaust survivor, Nobel Laureate, political activist and author of the book Night, in which he describes his experiences as a prisoner in the Auschwitz concentration camps, passed away July 2nd at the age of 87.

Elie Wiesel: September 30th, 1928 - July 2nd, 2016. His Hair: September 30th, 1928 - ?

Elie Wiesel: September 30th, 1928- July 2nd, 2016. His Hair: September 30th, 1928- ?

While this is a great loss to the world, we can take comfort in the fact that Mr. Wiesel has donated his hair to Bernie Sanders so that at least a part of him can continue the good fight for progressives everywhere.

Bernie Sanders With Elie Wiesel's Posthumously Donated Hair

Bernie Sanders With Elie Wiesel’s Posthumously Donated Hair

“I’m so honored to have Elie Wiesel’s hair implanted on my head,”  Mr. Sanders said earlier.  “It not only makes me feel wiser, it helps very much in keeping my head warm on cold nights.  Mr. Wiesel was a great man.  His hair was also great, and it will live on on my head for as long as I carry breath in my lungs.  R.I.P. Mr. Wiesel, and long live your hair!”

Advertisements

Bernie Sanders Loses Iowa Caucuses, Admits His Hair Is Sentient Being

Bernie Sanders And His Sentient Hair

Bernie Sanders Says, “My Hair Is A Sentient Being.”

Barbershop City, Iowa.   After losing the Iowa Caucuses to Hilary Clinton in a tight race, Bernie Sanders admitted his hair is a sentient being.  “Yeah,” Senator Sanders said just moments ago, “my hair is actually a sentient being separate from me.  It sort of just took roost on my head when I was about 16, and has been with me ever since.  Next to my wife, it’s my best friend.   We have great conversations, are identical on political issues, and like the same movies.  The only down side is that we take separate vacations every year, and, when my hair’s gone, usually visiting its relatives in Singapore, I’m stuck wearing a lot of hats or explaining why I suddenly decided to shave my head.   Any-who, I’ve got a campaign fundraiser in Chicago to get to, so my hair and I will see you later.”

Jesus Says, Vote For Bernie Sanders

Jesus Christ's Pick For President In 2016, Bernie Sanders

Jesus Christ’s Pick For President In 2016, Bernie Sanders

Cloud 76, Heaven.   Jesus Christ today, the Lord and Savior of all humanity, pledged his support behind Democratic Presidential candidate, Bernie Sanders.  “I love Bernie Sanders,” Jesus said this morning. “Yes, I know, he’s Jewish, but so am I.  So, deal with it.  Bernie acts in a far more Christian way than 99% of people claiming to actually be Christians.  Any way, he’s a man who is concerned with the well-being of all Americans, not just the wealthy white ones.  I like that about him.  His stance against Citizens United is a truly wonderful thing.  It’s so refreshing to hear him speak.

"Really, I mean it. Vote for Bernie Sanders." Love Always, Jesus Christ

“Really, I mean it. Vote for Bernie Sanders.”  Love Always, Jesus Christ

This is especially true after listening to Republican Candidate Ben Carson idiotically telling people the Bible is to be taken literally, or Donald Trump spewing fascist, xenophobic rhetoric to his followers.  Very unpleasant stuff.   Take the word of Jesus Christ, your Lord and Savior, and vote for Bernie Sanders.  Decent human beings everywhere will be glad you did.”