Katy Faust Of Grace Church Seattle Falls In Love With Kangaroo

Grace Church Seattle's Katy Faust Says, "Ya, So I'm In Love With A Kangaroo. You Got A Problem With That?"

Grace Church Seattle’s Katy Faust Says, “Yeah, So I’m In Love With A Kangaroo.  Ya Got A Problem With That?”

Fiction City, Australia.    While trashing gay marriage on the Australian TV show, QandA, last night, Katy Faust of Grace Church Seattle, an anti-gay, Christian church in Washington State, admitted she will be divorcing her husband, pastor and elder of Grace Church, Ryan Faust, because she has fallen madly in love with a kangaroo named Bouncy.  “I never thought I would ever find an animal attractive, let alone fall in love with one,” Mrs. Faust said earlier, “but when I met Bouncy, while touring the Outback a few days ago, all of that changed.  He’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a man.  He’s able to jump, like, 6 feet into the air and use his hind legs to put a serious whippin’ on anyone who disagrees with me and my bigoted views on gay people and gay marriage.

Bouncy The Kangaroo, Katy Faust's New Love Interest

Bouncy The Kangaroo, Katy Faust’s New Love Interest

The only real issue I had with Bouncy was that he was a Jew, and I find Jews to be almost as distasteful as I do gays.  BLOODY CHRIST KILLERS!  However, because he loves me so much, Bouncy agreed to convert to my particular sect of Christianity and has joined me in my worldwide campaign to stomp, get it stomp, out gay marriage wherever it rears its ugly head.  So, wish us luck, and please, support us in our efforts to find acceptance in a world that, all too cruelly, shuns those who are different.  Thanks, and have a hoppin’ day.”

Rhode Island Vanishes: Found Adrift Near Australia

Missing As Of This Morning

Missing As Of This Morning

In shocking news, the entire state of Rhode Island vanished from the continental United States this morning. It was found adrift 18 hours later near the southern coast of Australia. When ship-bound reporters approached Rhode Island to ask it what had happened to it, this is what it said. “I ran away from The United States because I do not feel I’m as respected as the other 49 states that make it up, and I refuse to return to it unless the following demands are met: 1.) I want to be made bigger. I’m tired of being a small state. Actually, I want to switch places with Texas. Let me be Texas and Texas be me. I promise I will be far less of a pain in the ass than Texas is currently. 2.) I want every member of congress to wear a T-shirt that reads, ‘I love Rhode Island’ whenever they are in session. 3.) I want Maryland to marry me. I’ve been asking her to marry me for decades and she keeps avoiding me. Make her marry me or I stay where I am. 4.) My last demand is this: I want Virginia to pay me the 500 dollars it owes me from the bet we made on the last Presidential election. Period. It pays up, or I stay here.

Rhode Island Is Now Just South Of Australia

Rhode Island Is Currently Just South Of Australia

To conclude, I give the U.S. 24 hours to meet my demands or I stay where I am. Forever. I love wallabies, so staying here will not be hard.”  We at TACP will keep our readers updated on this story as more information becomes available. Until then, here’s hoping Rhode Island returns to the U.S. soon. It feels empty here without it.