Anthropologist Discovers Creationists Living Next To Homo Sapiens

Cave City, Kentucky.   Interesting news today comes to us from Anthropology Professor, Buddy Uptome of the University of Chicago.  “I was walking in a wooded area of Kentucky, not far from a town filled with your average Homo Sapiens, when I came across a building called, The Creationist Museum,” Professor Uptome said earlier.

Homo Sapiens

Average Homo Sapiens

“I went inside, out of curiosity, and found the place to be crawling with Young Earth Creationists, a species of hominid known as Homo Stupidous Ignoramous, long thought to be extinct.  This particular species of hominid has the same brain capacity and usage of its frontal lobes as regular Homo Sapiens.  However, members of this species exhibit a narcissistic, willful, ignorance when it comes to science and learning about the world around them.  Instead, this species of hominid deliberately chooses to believe the words of the Bible, a bronze age book which glorifies a homicidal, maniac of a god, are literally and undeniably true.   Members of this species can usually be identified by their arrogant and self-righteous attitude when speaking of the Bible, and their Abraham Lincoln-like beards.  (See photo below)

Homo Stupidous Ignoramous Can Easily Be Identified By Their Abraham Lincoln-Like Beards

Members Of Homo Stupidous Ignoramous Can Be Identified By Their Abraham Lincoln-Like Beards

It is my recommendation, as an anthropologist and an average Homo Sapien, that you stay out of the woods of Kentucky and avoid Homo Stupidous Ignoramous at all costs.  Its members are not only insulting to the intellect, they’re highly offensive in their deliberate attempts to convert you to their dangerously naive way of thinking.  Also, they smell bad.   These are things all normal, intelligent humans are better off without.”

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Ken Ham Discovered To Be 33,000 Years Old

WTF City, Kentucky.   In simply stunning news today, Harvard Anthropology Professor, Jimmy D. Peenus, announced he has found irrefutable evidence that famous Young Earth Creationist, Ken Ham, is, himself, almost 33,000 years old.  “Mr. Ham is the walking embodiment of a brand new, long-lived form of hominid I’ve named, Homoerectus Ignoramus,” Professor Peenus said earlier.  “I found the evidence for this while I was in the Chauvet-Pont-d’Arc Cave in France examining the stone-age paintings there.  Whilst gazing at one of the paintings, I noticed it more resembled a photograph than an actual painting.  On further inspection, I noticed some writing on the back of the picture which reads, The Earth is only 6000 years old.  Love always, Ken Ham.  I then had the picture carbon dated, and, sure enough, it is, like the other pictures in the cave, approximately 33,000 years old.  The picture in question is shown below.

Photo Of Ken Ham From 33,000 BP Which Was Found In The Chauvet-Pont-d'Arc Cave In France

This Photo Of Ken Ham, From 33,000 BP, Was Found In The Chauvet-Pont-d’Arc Cave In France

Needless to say, I was shocked to realize that I had been standing on the very spot Ken Ham himself stood, 33,000 years ago, spouting his Young Earth Creationist nonsense to a group of primitive human painters.  No known species of animal has ever been reported to live as long as Mr. Ham has.  I must say, however, in conclusion, that I find it rather sad that in all the years he’s lived, Ken Ham has not yet developed the capacity to reason like a mature, educated human being.  The man’s been telling people the Earth is only 6000 years old for all of his 33,000 years on it. You truly can’t get irony any sadder than that.”