The Taliban, those humorless Muslim mother fuckers we’ve been fighting in Afghanistan for years, are holding a sale this Wednesday on the special stones they use for killing their women when their women behave like whores. “Stoning rocks, we call them,” said Taliban Press Secretary, Omar Yew Sukcock’a. “They must be hand-picked from the desert by two Sheiks, each wearing a gold tunic, on the fourth Sunday after each quarter moon has passed. Mohammad was given these exact instructions by Allah; not to follow them is punishable by stoning. These stones are very expensive, but a man must always have enough of them to stone his wife and/or daughters with should they choose to behave like whores and remove their veils in public or force a man to rape them by looking into his eyes.
As any good Muslim man will tell you, women are devils, sent here to tempt us into damnation with their eyes and faces. The fucking sluts! Should one of them force a man to lose control of himself and rape her, she will be stoned to death in as painful a way as possible. The right stones cause pain first, bleeding second, and then, finally, death as the whore’s skull collapses, and she slowly dies while the gathered crowd chants, “Whore!” over, and over, and over, again.
The stone sale this Wednesday will be great fun. Men of the Taliban will gather to buy stones, and, when they’ve finished, they’ll gather again to tell great stories about the deaths of the whores who’ve tempted them. Praise be to Allah!”