MAGA Hats Have Become Sentient And Violent
Trump City, Russia. In a stunning development, a pile of MAGA hats yesterday attacked, and severely bruised, two liberals who were shopping at a local Target store. “It was awful,” said Bethany Bigbody, one of the liberals attacked. “My friend, Billy Tightcheeks, and I were at Target taking advantage of the Black Friday sales and talking about how much we missed Obama when an entire pile of MAGA hats leaped at us from a hat rack and shouted, ‘DOWN WITH LIBERAL SCUM!’ We were then covered in a sea of MAGA hats that repeatedly smashed their brims against our faces. It was utterly terrifying, and if not for the quick work of a store clerk who grabbed a huge trash bag and tossed the raging hats into it, I’m certain we would have been beaten unconscious or worse. Needless to say, my friend and I will be damned careful what we say from now on when stacks of MAGA hats are nearby.”
Bethany Bigbody With The Black Eye She Received From A Violent Group Of MAGA Hats
When The Armchair Pontificator contacted the Chinese manufacturer of MAGA hats, We Make ‘Em, You Buy ‘Em, for a comment on the violent, and sentient, nature of their hats, we were told to speak with Trump’s lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, who, when we did contact him, promptly threatened to sic a gross of MAGA hats on us if we didn’t stop asking questions. Therefor, we can only suggest, that if you are a liberal, be very careful what it is you say when passing by MAGA hats in stores. You may very well be beaten up if you aren’t.
The Arm Chair Pontificator 
I didn’t know Target even sold maga hats! I shall boycott Target from now on!
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Good for you!
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I often wonder if you have to be a racist dumbass to wear a MAGA hat, or if the hat causes the condition?
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I wonder, too.
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Probably a little of both. But for sure the first one.
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I have just seen this https://on.rare.us/2ZsZVse
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My browser won’t allow me to open the link. Is it a story on another attack by MAGA hats?
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No, on the contrary, it is a story of a maga hat wearer being attacked
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Yep. Anomalies do happen.
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Oh, as well, in case it was missed, this post is about the miraculous occurrence of magga HATS somehow gaining sentience and attacking people, not MAGE hat wearers attacking people. Nothin’ new about people attacking people, but hats attacking on their own, now that’s Pulitzer Prize winning news right there pal!
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That wasn’t missed.
Just thought it funny that the post appeared under yours as related posts.
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Can’t figure out why I can’t open it.
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My virus program says it’s a “compromised” page … so maybe your’s is also at work. 🙂
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Yes. I noticed that, too. It’s possibly a troll site or some such thing. I’m always reluctant to press the matter further and try to aggressively open such sites. I’ll take the anti-malware software’s advice and stay away. Wouldn’t surprise me if Trump and his Russian buddies weren’t planting viruses out there for people to open up. That’s about his maturity level.
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Glad we don’t have those hats here.
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You’re quite lucky. 🙂
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We are grateful to the gods
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I’m not surprised. Recently, a villainous group of MAGA hats accosted me in the produce section of a grocery store. I retreated to the potato stand and managed to drive them off with a fusillade of Russets. The last of their gang to leave was caught by a little blue-haired old lady who came to my defense. She beat the living threads out of that MAGA hat! I guess they are brave in a mob, but are pretty weak individually.
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Yep. That most certainly sounds like your typical MAGA hat–tough in a group, cowardly when alone. Damned MAGA hats! 🙂
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Cheap Chinese red dye, seeping into the brains of hat-wearing MAGA-twits, making them even bigger dickheads.
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They truly are. It is absolutely impossible to talk to these people. Angry, rage-filled, entitled brats. Winning and crushing their enemies is all, no matter the cost.
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As someone pointed out earlier this week, they hate themselves.
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They do, and they’re fucking miserable because of it. Thus, they project this hatred outward trying to blame and destroy others for their own short comings and perceived failures rather than focusing inwards and asking themselves, “What can I do to make my own life better in a reasonable and non-destructive way?” Instead of this, they’d rather burn down everything around them in order to feel like they’ve somehow won something. They are a sad group, and I’d pity them if they weren’t so deeply destructive to everyone and everything around them that doesn’t reflect their political world view. We are living in very dangerous times.
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Very, very well said.
As an historical curiosity, it is interesting to see how an otherwise sane population can so easily fall in behind a repulsive ‘leader.’
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It would be even more fascinating if it wasn’t so god damned scary. 🙂
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Well, yeah, there is that.
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😀
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