Two Liberals Attacked By Pile Of MAGA Hats At Target

MAGA Hats Have Become Sentient And Violent

Trump City, Russia.   In a stunning development, a pile of MAGA hats yesterday attacked, and severely bruised, two liberals who were shopping at a local Target store.    “It was awful,” said Bethany Bigbody, one of the liberals attacked.  “My friend, Billy Tightcheeks, and I were at Target taking advantage of the Black Friday sales and talking about how much we missed Obama when an entire pile of MAGA hats leaped at us from a hat rack and shouted, ‘DOWN WITH LIBERAL SCUM!’  We were then covered in a sea of MAGA hats that repeatedly smashed their brims against our faces.   It was utterly terrifying, and if not for the quick work of a store clerk who grabbed a huge trash bag and tossed the raging hats into it, I’m certain we would have been beaten unconscious or worse.  Needless to say, my friend and I will be damned careful what we say from now on when stacks of MAGA hats are nearby.”

Bethany Bigbody With The Black Eye She Received From A Violent Group Of MAGA Hats

When The Armchair Pontificator contacted the Chinese manufacturer of MAGA hats, We Make ‘Em, You Buy ‘Em, for a comment on the violent, and sentient, nature of their hats, we were told to speak with Trump’s lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, who, when we did contact him, promptly threatened to sic a gross of MAGA hats on us if we didn’t stop asking questions.   Therefor, we can only suggest, that if you are a liberal, be very careful what it is you say when passing by MAGA hats in stores.  You may very well be beaten up if you aren’t.

27 thoughts on “Two Liberals Attacked By Pile Of MAGA Hats At Target

  1. I didn’t know Target even sold maga hats! I shall boycott Target from now on!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I often wonder if you have to be a racist dumbass to wear a MAGA hat, or if the hat causes the condition?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m not surprised. Recently, a villainous group of MAGA hats accosted me in the produce section of a grocery store. I retreated to the potato stand and managed to drive them off with a fusillade of Russets. The last of their gang to leave was caught by a little blue-haired old lady who came to my defense. She beat the living threads out of that MAGA hat! I guess they are brave in a mob, but are pretty weak individually.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Cheap Chinese red dye, seeping into the brains of hat-wearing MAGA-twits, making them even bigger dickheads.

    Liked by 3 people

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