02.04.19
by

Jesus Allows The Patriots To Win, Again

The Patriots: They Win Cause Of Jesus

MAGA Town, North Dakota.    Once again, as he has 6 times in the past, Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ has allowed the New England Patriots to win the Super Bowl.  The Pats, led by Christ-lover, Tom Brady, beat the L.A. Rams yesterday by the score of 13 to 3.   What can we, as Americans and Christians, learn from this event?  Well, we can learn this: without a deep belief in Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and without repeated, heart-felt prayers to Jesus, it isn’t possible to win a Super Bowl, or any sporting event for that matter.   No matter what you may hear or believe, know that without the support of Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, the Patriots would not have won yesterday.  Obviously, they prayed to him harder than the Rams did, and, also obviously, talent, consistency, and great play had nothing to do with their victory.  It is ONLY because Jesus WANTED them to win that they did.  It is also painfully obvious that Jesus did not want the Rams to win.  Or else they would’ve.  Simple.

See kiddies, it’s that easy.  Pray to Jesus.  Love him.  Worship him, and, if you do all those things correctly, you can win a Super Bowl.  Talent be damned!  Without Jesus, winning the Super Bowl isn’t possible.  Just ask the Rams who, today, should be holding their heads in shame and asking themselves, “What exactly did we do to piss off Jesus so much that he didn’t let us win?”  They didn’t pray as hard as the Patriots.  That is THE only acceptable and reasonable answer here.   Screw practice.  Screw talent.  Prayer to Jesus wins ball games.  Period.  If you think I’m wrong, just ask the Rams.  $Amen$

35 thoughts on “Jesus Allows The Patriots To Win, Again”

  1. “NFL 2019” — A Bad Lip Reading of The NFL

    hahahaha!!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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  2. I won’t speak to the political or religious implications of this post. I won’t speak to Tom Brady’s support of Donald Trump. I will leave all of those things to other, more qualified people to discuss and debate.

    Instead, as a native New Englander, I will simply sit here and smile. I do enjoy a good parade and we tend to see a lot around here. 🙂

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    • And ALL thanks to Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. 😀

      Liked by 1 person

    • Jesus apparently answers prayers after all…in exchange for some TB12 brand recovery pajamas. Nothing helps you recover from crucifixion faster than “Tom Brady tested, Jesus approved” infrared technology sleep pants. Amen.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Very true. And, remember this. The ONLY reason Brady is the greatest QB to EVER play football, and the ONLY reason the Pats are the greatest team to EVER play football is because of prayer and Jesus, not talent, not perseverance, not great coaching–NOPE! It’s ALL Jesus and prayer. Nothing else matters! $Amen$

      Liked by 1 person

    • Which is exactly why Tim Tebow has won so many Super bowls…What? He hasn’t? Well, prayer is the reason he is still a sought after top tier quarterback in the NFL…What? He’s not there anymore? He’s playing baseball now? Well at least Jesus helped him achieve his dream of playing in the Major Leagues…What? He’s not? Hmmm…

      I guess the best Christian in all of sports is Tom Brady. Tim Tebow could learn a thing or two from this Christian “G.O.A.T.” and make the necessary changes in his prayer routine to be successful. Instead of his signature kneel-down “Tebowing” prayers, he should be emulating Tom Brady; shooting snot rockets on the sidelines and screaming at his coaches.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Yep. Jesus obviously doesn’t like Tebow as much as Brady. There’s no confusion here. The ONLY reason the Pats win is because of Jesus and prayer. If Tebow is crappy, and he is, that has something to do with Jesus. The point is, we have no control over ANYTHING! All we can do is pray to Jesus, hope he likes how well we do it, and go on. Even if the Pats didn’t practice, they’d win. Why? Because Jesus obviously loves them more than other teams. Obviuosly.
      If we fail at something, obviously we prayed wrong, and/or Jesus hates us for some reason. Obviously. Right? There can be NO other reason. All is Jesus. All is His will. Sometimes He’s mysterious, but we have no control except to pray to Him and hope He loves us more than others who are praying to. Like Marlon Brando once said to his hair dresser, Jimmy Pantstotight, “Jimmy, just pray and hope ya do it right. EVERYTHING is ENTIRELY up to Jesus!”

      Liked by 1 person

  3. On a more gut-wrenching heart-wrenching serious note… this is a pic Emiliano Sala’s sister just posted. Sala is/was the Argentine Futboller whose plane disappeared in the English Channel the other week. Emiliano and his dog “Nala” spent all their time together win Emiliano wasn’t training or playing soccer games. Nala waits for him, Romina (sister) says and looks for him a lot.

    https://metrouk2.files.wordpress.com/2019/02/sei_50655224-d893-e1549356082753.jpg?quality=90&strip=all&zoom=1&resize=750%2C585

    His plane was just recently located at the bottom of the English Channel FOUND by a volunteer underwater search team funded by mostly soccer players, coaches, etc, around the world using a GoFund webpage.

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  4. Prayer is the answer to everything. Pray without ceasing

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  5. Pingback: Jesus Allows The Patriots To Win, Again on The Daily Pause

  6. Now hold on ONE STINKIN’ HOLY MOTHA of FOOTBALLING JEBUS!!! 😠

    Tom Brady is a strong Catholic boy. Not sure if he practices his “faith” or not. Robert Kraft is a Jewish (All Inclusive?) Conservative with Temple Emanuel in Newton, MA! Tim Tebow, a RENOWN God-fearin’ God-ablazened “True Christian ™ ” who was homeschooled says the Patriots did NOT win because of his Lord and Savior (of his football career)!!!!

    Now who is it!? What is it!? Is Jebus and God a football fan and Patriots supporter, OR is he a fan and supporter of all the other 31 teams (except the Browns) and sometimes for Clemson and Georgia football teams!???? (scratching his head) 🥴😕

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    • All depends on who prays hardest. As you know, all that matters is prayer. All else be damned.

      Liked by 1 person

    • But… but… I know several Bama Crimson Tide fans that prayed their asses off — I know, cuz I saw their asses… well, technically I didn’t see ’em; they were prayed off — and The Tide did NOT win the FBS Championship this year, Clemson did and despite those ass-droppin’ prayers from Bama fans, Clemson opened up a can of Tiger Whoop-ass on Bama’s no asses!!!

      So Almighty Toga-Wearin’ Lightening Bolts-Wielding Midget God (noticed I said lightening boltS, plural)… I’m still confused. 🤪

      Liked by 1 person

    • Crimson Tide fans didn’t pray hard enough. No confusion. Next time, pray harder. Simple. Also, if you lose, Jesus didn’t want you to win. His are mysterious ways. All we weak mortals can do is pray and accept, if our team didn’t win, we simply didn’t pray hard enough. Jesus simply may not like you anyway, but, His ways being mysterious, who really knows. All is about Jesus. And prayer to Jesus. And belief in Jesus. Jesus, I hope this is FINALLY making sense!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Robert, you’re just jealous of Tom’s (another!) new ring. (courtesy of baby Jesus) ‘Fess up!

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  9. IF I were a football fan, there’s no doubt in my mind I would immediately start worshiping Jesus Christ, the Lord and Savior of us all since it was sooo obvious the role “he” played in this game.

    HOWEVER, I’m not. So I won’t.

    Liked by 3 people

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  10. I’ve had quite enough of Tom Brady and the stinking Patriots! Brady, Brady, Brady – give me an effing break! You’re right, Jesus stuck it to the Rams because they’re heathens. That’s why I rooted (without watching) for the Rams cuz I’m also a heathen. But, I have a question. The Patriots are from Boston. Doesn’t Jesus hate libtards? That’s what Trump supporters keep telling me. Oh, wait. The Rams are from L.A. which is also libtard. Why wasn’t a God-fearing Christian team like Jerry Jones’ Dallas Cowboys in the Super Bowl? I think Jesus went rogue here. God ain’t gonna be happy!

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  11. And he had to pull a fast one to keep the Saints from being in the Super Bowl too. And the same god that made trump president, I bet.

    Liked by 3 people

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