Offers I Made To Putin In 2016

As everyone who follows this blog knows, I ran a very intense campaign in 2016 for the Presidency of the United States.  Like Donald Trump, I too tried to get Russian President, Vladimir Putin to help me win it.  Here’s a list of some of the things I offered Putin in exchange for his help.

“Nyet! These offers suck!” Putin shouts

1.)  A 50,000 dollar studio apartment in downtown Gary, Indiana.

2.)  A hairless cat named Bill.

3.)  2 goldfish.  One was alive.

4.)  The key to the roller skates I had when I was 11.

5.)  A ticket stub to a Cubs v Mets game from 1997.

6.)  A Playboy magazine from 1985.  It was, however, missing the centerfold.

7.)  A set of rakes to be used in case of forest fires.

8.)  A working VCR and 4 video taped recordings of the first 3 seasons of The Golden Girls.

9.)  My second grade report card with my mother’s signature on it.

10.)  A 4 dollar gift certificate to Taco Bell from 1999.

Sadly, even with me offering him all these wonderful things, Putin decided to help Donald Trump win the Presidency in 2016 and not me.  And we all know how THAT’S turned out.  Happily, I’m trying again in 2020, and THIS time I’m going to ask Kim Jong-un to help me.  Hopefully, he will.  I’ll let you know.

 

 

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16 thoughts on “Offers I Made To Putin In 2016

  1. How could he possibly have refused these?!
    (On a more serious note: were you actually a candidate in 2016? There WERE several “joke” candidates that were nonetheless either on the ballot or valid write-ins; were you one of them? Be truthful.)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. A working VCR? That thing should be in a museum 🙂

    You have my support in 2020.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. You know, I can’t remember any instance when I agreed with Putin… until now. Better luck with Little Kim! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  4. ‘A hairless cat named Bill.’

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    You’re a tonic sir.

    Esme Cloud deciding not to write anything dodgy about hairless cats

    Liked by 3 people

  5. ‘A hairless cat named Bill.’

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    You’re a tonic sir.

    Esme Cloud deciding not to write anything dodgy about hairless cats

    Liked by 1 person

  6. There you go, if you hadn’t ‘lost’ that centrerfold the course of world history might be completely different.

    Liked by 5 people

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