“The Arm Chair Who Wants To Do What?” Says Robert Mueller
In case anyone is concerned with my day-to-day activities, and who, for Christ’s sake isn’t, I’ve recently offered to make a plea deal with Robert Mueller and give him everything I know about Donald Trump and Russia. He told me, “No way, pal,” since I’ve not been charged with anything, and, in reality, have absolutely NOTHING to do with Trump OR Russia. This is kind of a bummer as I’d hoped to make a deal were I could be relocated to Hawaii and be surrounded by beautiful women agents who’d do anything I asked them to until my dying day. Oh, well, what can ya do, eh? Welp, I’m off to write threatening letters to members of the Nobel Prize Committee for STILL not recognizing my self-awarded Nobel Prize. $Amen$
The Arm Chair Pontificator 
Damn! If there be beuatiful babes and a Hawaii getaway, sign me up!
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Will do!
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Here’s another idea if you have time. Petition the military for a Purple Heart.
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Well, I’ve awarded myself several. The real problem here is to get the military to recognize them. For some reason, they’re reluctant to do so.
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The key to your dreams is the Pee Pee Tape. It exists. Your quest is to find it, and your rewards for doing so will be eternal.
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Oh, I’d love to get my mitts on THAT precious bit of treasure!
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