Texas And Florida Devoured By Giant Turkeys

Here’s a Thanksgiving day classic from yesteryear. I won a Pulitzer for this.

The Arm Chair Pontificator

Giant Turkeys Like These Devoured Florida And Texas That Was Yummy!

A devastating blow against Christian Conservatives and Tea Party advocates alike was struck this morning when Giant Turkeys materialized simultaneously in Texas and Florida and completely devoured both states.  Nothing remains where the two states once stood but a light covering of Giant Turkey shit.  Before returning from whence they came, the leader of the Giant Turkeys, Mr. Gobble Yercock,  gave an insightful, informative interview to TACP’s editor ‘n chief, me.  The transcript of this interview, without any embellishment by TACP, is presented below.

TACP:  Let me begin, Mr. Gobble Yercock, by saying, what a fucking entrance! Yesterday no one knew Giant Turkeys even existed, and today, BAM! You’ve devoured both Texas and Florida and it isn’t even noon yet. Impressive, most impressive.

Giant Turkey Leader, Mr. Gobble Yercock Giant Turkey Leader, Mr. Gobble Yercock

Gobble Yercock: Well, what can I say. We’re a dramatic entrance bunch, we Giant Turkeys. We specialize in…

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4 thoughts on “Texas And Florida Devoured By Giant Turkeys

  1. Scary stuff. Giant Turkeys do have one weakness, though. They can be put into a catatonic state by stimulating their erogenous zones with a turkey baster. The problem is getting close enough to use it. The last brave soul who attempted to was first stomped on and then devoured by the ravenous birds. One of the giant beasts was heard shouting “Happy Thanksgiving, mother f****r!” as it attacked him.

    Liked by 1 person

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