The first ever atheist grocery store. Another oldie but not-read-too-muchy post from days gone by.
The Arm Chair Pontificator is very proud to welcome our first ever commercial sponsor, “Foods Without Gods,” the first ever atheist grocery store, where every item sold has been prepared free of any and all deities, 100% guaranteed! Store Vice President, Hank Me’dickoff had this to say earlier today. “We at ‘Foods Without Gods,’ felt it was time we addressed the burning question EVERY a-theist has asked since before Moses parted The Red Sea: ‘Why in fuck’s name do I have no choice but to shop for groceries at stores where theists also shop and contaminate the food by touching it with their dirty, theistic hands?’ Well, my friends in non-belief, thanks to us here at ‘Foods Without Gods,’ no a-theist will ever have to ask that question again.
Atheist Tired Of Theists Touching His Produce
The concept behind ‘Foods Without Gods’ is to provide, for a-theists, a grocery store…
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The Arm Chair Pontificator 
Ha so just the opposite to ‘organic’ food then? Mind you I wouldn’t say no to working in that store.
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I think it’d be fun. 🙂
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We do need more atheist grocery stores because the theist ones are a serious public health problem. I buy a lot of fresh fruit and vegetables which can get handled by Christian fundamentalists. Normally, I thoroughly wash the produce before eating; but, I must not have a few years ago when I contracted an acute case of evangelical fervor. Symptoms started almost immediately which included delusional thinking, irrationality, closed-mindedness, hallucinations, idol worship, and a peculiar urge to drop my money into a church collection plate.
Fortunately, my atheist neighbor recognized what was happening and drove me to a secular exorcist who held a clear glass X over my head and chanted: “The spirit of Christ is NOT upon you!” My body spun around several times under my neck and I puked up pink bile. It was a frightening experience, I can tell you! But, after many hours the symptoms subsided. I am forever indebted to my good friend. It was a very, very close call. Now, I wash my fresh produce extremely carefully!
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Thank Jeebus you’re OK! That evangelical fever is, indeed, a mo’fo’ to get rid of.
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It sure is!
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Tell me the truth, you chose which stores you shop at by the music they play. 🙀😎👍Hugs
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How’d ya know!
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