09.27.18
by

5 Spiffy Arguments That You Can Use To Blow People’s Minds

Wanna bend people’s minds and blow ’em through the stratosphere like a true, blue young earth creationist?  Just use one or two of these well-argued arguments and you’ll be the envy of everyone who knows you.

1.)  If someone tells you the earth is older than 6000 years and wasn’t created by God, ask them this:   “Well, how do you know?  Where you there 6000 years ago when God created it?”  Ha!  that one’s a mic dropper, ain’t it.

2.)  Tell someone Julius Caesar never lived and is a fictional character.  If they disagree with you, say this:  “How would you know?  Were you there when he lived?”  Awesome, right!  You should see the looks I get from people when I drop this logic bomb on them!

3.)  Tell people you are being abducted by grey-skinned aliens every night, having coffee with them, and, sometimes, having sex with them.   If they question this assertion, tell them this: “Look, since you’re not there when this happens to me, and these aliens, for some reason, won’t appear to anyone BUT me, you can’t say it isn’t happening.   Until you can prove to me that it isn’t happening, it is.”  BAM!!!   YUGE win for the home team!

3.)  If someone tells you that climate change is real and 99% of earth’s scientists believe this, drop this winner on them: “Oh, really?  Since it can’t be ABSOLUTELY proven, with 100% certainty, that this is true, it isn’t, so you lose, you fuckin’ libtard!”   This one is SUCH a wonderful argument, I’m often punched in face right after I tell it to someone.  Libtards are SO sensitive when they’re proven wrong, aren’t they.

4.)  Here’s a great statement to say to people at kids’ birthday parties:  “All women who claim they’ve been sexually assaulted, and don’t have video and/or DNA evidence to prove it, are liars.”   If people attempt to question this or act offended that you said it, tell ’em this:  “Look, sissy, were you there when every woman who says she was sexually assaulted was?  If you weren’t then shut up with your stupid questions and go home!”  Man, this one is SO solid, I often pee a little after I say it!

5.)  Finally, here’s a great argument to prove whatever it is you believe to be true is.  “Since we don’t know everything about everything, then we must believe anything MIGHT be true.  Thus, what I’m saying is true no matter how much you don’t believe it or how extremely unlikely you say it is!”   This argument has ended more conversations for me than I can number.  Use it, and you’ll see why.

Peace out, and remember, since all opinions are equal, yours are some of the most brilliant that have ever been held in mankind’s history.

 

18 thoughts on “5 Spiffy Arguments That You Can Use To Blow People’s Minds”

  1. For a moment there I thought you had been abducted by alien republicans! Great post … I have heard these very arguments far too many times.

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  2. You are brilliant. I don’t see a comeback to those solid arguments

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  3. #3… It’s self-evident that the earth is warming because the sun is getting closer.

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  4. Nobel, Nobel, Nobel. My favorite is I want you to prove god doesn’t exist. That’s a brainiac gotcha every time.

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    • I know. It’s INSANE! Or the person who says, “Oh, you’re an atheist. Therefore you are asserting a belief that gods don’t exist.” NO! I’m saying I do not believe the theist’s assertion that, not only do gods exist, but they know specifically of one particular god who exists who gave them a specific book to tell them specific things to do to worship him. That’s insane. I have no idea if gods, bigfoots, Draculas, pixies, or werewolves really exist. I simply see no demonstrative evidence that they do. So I see no reason to believe they do. Show me tangible, demonstrative, evidence that invisible gods living in an invisible, intangible, realm that is outside of time exist, and I’ll say, “Hot damn! I guess they DO exist! Cool.”

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    • Your just mad at god and have sin in your life. Mad at something that doesn’t exist? Go figure

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    • I know. It’s very frustrating. Ever watch Matt Dillahunty’s video’s? He’s superb at arguing with these stone-headed idjits. And he remains calm. How, I don’t know. But he does.

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  5. I had NO IDEA Jeff you were THIS genius! 🤯 I am blown away by your blowing awayness! 😲 HOLY COW MANURE NELLIE, come read this utter brilliantnessyness! It’s better than the “wettest of wets in terms of water” intelligence spoken the other day! 🤪

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