These Effing Sons O’ Bitches Are Out To Ruin Me
As anyone who reads this blog knows, several years ago I awarded myself a Nobel Prize because I felt I deserved it. Ever since that time, I’ve been hounded and mocked by the Nobel Prize Committee simply because I demand they acknowledge my prize. I prank call them; send dead skunks to their children’s schools, and send fire ant-filled pinatas to the nursing homes were their elderly parents live. Yet, still, they refuse to acknowledge that I even exist. Sure, they’ve had restraining orders taken out against me, but, so what? I’m still out here, and I ain’t going away ’til I get my prize from them. Recently, however, the media has become involved in the harassment I endure daily from the Nobel Prize Committee.
The media, I once thought, would be my friend against the Nobel Committee. I sent letters to every major, and minor news outlet in the country to notify them of the great injustice I live with every day of my life. Not one of them has responded or acknowledged I even exist. This is ridiculous and cruel. How many self-awarded Nobel Prize winners are there for Christ’s sake? None but me that I can think of. Is this not a major story for the media? It should be. But, because the Nobel Prize Committee has tainted my image with the media, I’m ignored by them. This is abusive, unfair, and cruel. The media are out to ruin my good name simply by ignoring the great things I’ve done and the great prizes I’ve awarded myself. I’ll stand for it no more. From this day forward, I’m declaring war on the media. They are fake. And, since they refuse to tout my greatness, everything they say and report about is fake.
My Arch Enemies. I Hate These Bastards.
I’ve got a letter in to Rudy Giuliani demanding that he stop talking smack to the media about Robert Mueller and start talking smack to them about how unfair they’re being to me. So far, he’s not responded to me. He’d better , or I’ll send a porcupine to his New York office to stick quills in his butt. My war on the media now joins my war on the Nobel Prize Committee, and it will continue unabated until I receive all the praise I’ve decided I deserve from both of them. It’s gonna get ugly around here, folks. So buckle up and enjoy the show. It’s gonna be one you’ll never forget. $Imperious Rex$
The Arm Chair Pontificator 
Maybe dump the phonies and try for a Noble Prize instead?
😉
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Already got one, two actually. Now, getting the Nobel Committee to admit this–well, that’s a problem I plan to remedy, any way possible.
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I know what you’re thinking. It ain’t too noble of me admitting I harass the Nobel Committee, but, so what. We all gotta do what we gotta do.
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Hahahaha! But Jeff… I’m not sure if my laughter is a good response or a bad response! Maybe it’s therapeutic? 😮
Btw, watched last night “Live From (Tulsa) Oklahoma with Bill Maher.” I can’t believe he walked out of there alive and with no food stains on him. LOL
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Oh, I’ve gotta watch that. Rough town for Maher. But he’s quite the bright fellow. And brave.
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HAH! To say the least! He has some very BIG Kahunas! 😛
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He does.
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This is an injustice of cosmic proportions, and I’m not kidding either! I’ve been in contact with the Galactic Federation (I have relatives on planet Druidia), and they have conveyed to me great consternation in the Imperial Senate over this blacklisting by the Nobel Prize Committee and mainstream media. Apparently, the “Feddies” – as they like to be called – are quite fond of the journalistic prowess of our illustrious author and are mad as hell about this slight against him. They are so mad, in fact, that they are now mobilizing their superior armed forces for an invasion of Earth! I pleaded with them to find a more peaceful solution, but to no avail. From what I understand, the Federation will deliver an ultimatum to President Trump in early November.
Hold onto your hats, everyone! This is gonna get ugly! 😦
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Man, see, I told everyone how important I am! 😀
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I can’t get no respect either.
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I know, right.
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You’ve got my vote.
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Thanks, pal.
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You have my sympathies, it’s not grown up for these un-enlightened morons to keep ignoring your great works. One question, where in valhalla to you keep getting all the animals?
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My Uncle Billy Joe Nobbyknees is a taxidermist.
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Problem solved, send him over to the Nobel Committee to give them a good stuffing.
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Will do.
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Keep at it! Something will happen when you least expect it. (Not saying WHAT will happen … but no doubt something will!)
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Thanks for the encouragement. I will carry on!
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