A Prayer To The American God

Dear God, my love for thee is greater than all the oceans of the Earth combined and wider than the circumference of the known universe.   To you, my Lord, I devote all that is my being.  The honor I feel when I hold thy firm, cold metal in my hand often overcomes me and causes my eyes to well with tears.  Thou, my Lord, hast given me protection against all of mine enemies: high school kids, grade school kids, church goers, country music fans, and those dancing in gay nightclubs.   It is because of thee, oh most Exulted One, that I am able to unleash my wrath onto a world that does not appreciate thy glory and the greatness you possess.

The Almighty God Surrounded By Holy Water

With your guidance, my King of Kings, I will continue my work to end the plague of the liberal and the anti-gun lobbyist.  I will not end my war until their oppression against thee has been vanquished and every high school student who hast offended they Greatness lies dead and bloodied upon thine altar of gun powder.   I go now, my Liege, to fulfill this Holy War upon the infidels who seek to suppress and deny thee thy rightful place upon the throne of the greatest country to ever allow the slaughter of its most innocent citizens.   With thy aid, I hope to have this goal achieved by Christmas 2019, and, barring any unforeseen interference by the FBI, I will.  Amen

23 thoughts on “A Prayer To The American God

  1. Excellent. You have hit the nail on the head. The evangelical Christians in this nation are among the biggest hypocrites in history, and not only because of the gun issue, but also abortion, capital punishment, racism, xenophobia, and too many others to name.


  2. You are a master at satire. This is so good and truth and ‘F’ the NRA.


  3. Ah! Caught you! You plagiarized this prayer from the official prayer of the NRA that all their supports repeat at their dinner tables.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This ‘guns and gods’ insanity is really hard to comprehend. That it could continue to grow into the psyche of an entire nation, amidst near-daily incidents of human destruction, defies common sense.

    For those who insist that America is okay, and that its current maladies will run their course, I urge you to reconsider your denial. America is not okay, and it is very far from being okay. The dwindling number of rational Americans who are living this nightmare intuitively know otherwise.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Why all the guns if you have the “whole armor of god, and he is your rearward”? Hypocrisy?

    Liked by 2 people

    • The need to vehemently protect what is already protected. That may be a stage of crazy. I agree

      Liked by 2 people

    • Let’s discuss this over shooting some targets with our legally obtained semi-automatic weapons. I’ll bring the vodka–nuttin’ like shootin’ ‘n drinkin’ to bring a smile to your face. 🙂

      Liked by 4 people

    • And I’ll bring some virtual targets. Makes trigger pulls easier when you face the real thing. I wouldn’t want to balk or feel guilty when I was done. Yukon Jack is my favorite shooting accessory BTW

      Liked by 1 person

    • Bring some with, my friend, and a-shootin’ we will go!

      Liked by 2 people

    • But, but, but (no pun intended), but…if we just strictly enforce the law after someone shoots up a school like this, all will be well. Bad guys will be deterred by it and everything will be fine. I’ve come to the conclusion that, even though I still think it’s wrong, someone owning a hunting rifle or a handgun to make their real or metaphorical penis feel bigger is something we’re gonna have to live with in America. But there is NO reason for ANYONE outside of the military or law enforcement to have semi, or automatic weapons. They’re killing machines and that’s what they ALWAYS do: kill people. This argument has already been lost, however. The NRA and the GOP have won. Thus, the needless slaughter of the innocent shall continue unabated whilst the GOP and gun rights advocates offer up prayers to the victims. HEY, GOP and gun advocates! FUCK YOU!

      Liked by 4 people

  6. About 6-8 months ago I watched a PBS Frontline documentary on a Afghani journalist embedding himself inside the Taliban there and their recruiting techniques as well as their daily tactical training WITH holy worshipping. What you have just written here and described here Jeff is really NO DIFFERENT, in any significant ways, than the Taliban radicals or ISIS or any other militant-religious extremists.

    Liked by 5 people

    • Yep. Now, try to explain to Christians who love their guns like they love Jesus and believe THEIR way IS the right way what you just said. (Wear a bullet proof vest when you do.) 🙂 I think the Jesus/Gun connection is not emphasized enough when we discuss the gun problem. Yes, $ is a HUGE part of it, but so’s this. Not EVERY Christian believes this kinda shit, but from my brief visits to the south, I’d say FAR too many down there do. And the gun control fight is a hard one to win when 33% or more of your citizens connect their gun with their god.

      Liked by 6 people

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