Well, it’s happened again. Another group of people has decided I can no longer belong to their “unique” club. This time it’s the Russian Oligarchs. The bastards. I mean, sure, I’m not Russian; I don’t speak Russian, hell, I’ve never even been anywhere near Russia, and I’m poorer than a church mouse, but SO WHAT!!! If you prick me, will I not bleed like a Russian Oligarch? If you insult me, in English cause I don’t speak Russian, will I not cry like a Russian Oligarch? If you give me tens of billions of dollars, will I not use it to greedily enrich myself and shower myself in gold, diamonds, and sexy babes like Russian Oligarchs do? Of course!
Just because I was never asked to join the Russian Oligarch club is no reason to kick me out of it. ENOUGH!! Until I’m reinstated into said club, I’m going to crank call every oligarch in Russia, their friends, their families, and even their pets until they cry into their bottles of high alcohol content vodka and beg me to stop. I hope they like their phones ringing at 3AM, because that’s when I’m gonna crank ’em. Get ready to never sleep again, you bigoted Russkies. You bastards have picked on the wrong American! (Don’t say I didn’t warn you).