11.04.17
by

Astros Won World Series Because God Wanted Them To

God Wanted This

Houston, Texas.     The Houston Astros won the World Series this past Wednesday because it is what God wanted, at least according to God.   “Yeah, after listening to prayers from both the Dodgers and the Astros, I decided that the Astros prayed better, longer and harder than the Dodgers, so I let them win,” God said earlier today.   “I don’t usually like sports teams from Texas, but in this case, I made an exception.   The Astros showed such humility and deep respect for Me, that I simply HAD to let them win.  As for the Dodgers, they just didn’t convince Me they loved and honored Me enough for Me to let them win.

As anyone who knows Me can tell you, I do good things only for those who worship Me best.   If more people would simply understand this, there’d be fewer earthquakes and hurricanes in the world and much more food and medicine for everyone to enjoy.  Oh, also, and I simply feel compelled to mention this, Me being Me and all, as a general rule, I pretty much only accept and listen to prayers from those who practice the one, true religion.  There’s only one that I really consider to be correct, but, Me being Me again, I’m not going to openly say which one it is.  So, take a guess, and maybe you’ll be right or, hopefully, on the particular day you pray, I’ll be in a generous mood and listen to you any way.  If not, don’t count on your team winning the World Series any time soon.”

29 thoughts on “Astros Won World Series Because God Wanted Them To”

  1. So, doG has some interest in baseball? Just one more reason to not believe in this doG then. Baseball is only 0.000021865% higher up on the scale of interesting things to do than watch paint dry.

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  2. “As anyone who knows Me can tell you, I do good things only for those who worship Me best. If more people would simply understand this, there’d be fewer earthquakes and hurricanes in the world and much more food and medicine for everyone to enjoy. Oh, also, and I simply feel compelled to mention this, Me being Me and all, as a general rule, I pretty much only accept and listen to prayers from those who practice the one, true religion.”

    The one true religion as far as I’m concerned is the San Francisco Giants fan club. We are the most Holy of Holies – proud, brave, and honorable. We fervently object to false religions like the stinking Dodgers. God loves us, he hears our prayers, and we’ve been praying for the Dodgers to lose since the dawn of baseball. Oh, by the way, we love the Cubbies even though they defeated us in last year’s playoff fair and square.

    Death to Dodgerdom!
    Screw you, Dodger blue!
    Lasorda was fat cuz he ate too much pizza!
    L.A. air will kill you!
    1951: the “Shot Heard ‘Round the World!”
    Brooklyn sucks almost as bad as L.A.
    Jackie Robinson was a Giant!

    2010-2014: 3 World Series championships in 5 years – Go Giants!

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    • As a Cub fan myself, I must say I agree with all you say. 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

    • Bwahahahaha!!! So Robert…

      are you saying you don’t like the L.A. Dodgers?

      Liked by 1 person

    • In MLB, there have been some epic historical rivalries – Yankees vs Red Sox, Cubs vs Cardinals, just to name two. But, none surpass the sibling warfare that has been waged between the Giants and Dodgers for 127 years or so.

      Both are National League clubs, and have played in the same division since realignment, which means they have always directly competed against each other during the regular season. The Giants joined the NL first in 1883 playing their home games in Harlem. The Dodgers joined 7 years later and played in Brooklyn. Even a city as huge as New York wasn’t big enough for the both of them. The war had begun.

      In 1958, both clubs moved out west to California. The cities they chose couldn’t have been better for continuing their rivalry. Any native Californian, such as myself, can tell you that Angelenos and San Franciscans don’t particularly like each other. The war raged on.

      The hostility was so intense that Giants’ ace Juan Marichal busted Dodger catcher Johnny Roseboro over the head with a bat at Candlestick Park on August 22, 1965 with 42,807 screaming fans in attendance. Some still insist it was deserved. Both teams were dominant, each having an array of all-stars and future Hall of Famers such as Koufax, Mays, McCovey, Wills, and the aforementioned bat-wielder.

      So, yes, I really don’t like the Dodgers!

      [Actually, I don’t hate anyone; but, you understand why I can’t admit so in this particular case.]

      Liked by 1 person

    • I do understand Robert. 😉 As a former collegiate, pro, and semi-pro soccer player, believe me when I say… I KNOW how fans are and can be. Rabid sometimes…

      https://www.cbsnews.com/news/two-men-plead-guilty-to-2011-beating-at-dodger-stadium/

      http://www.espn.com/espn/wire/_/id/1625187

      Naturally, that is when the “entertainment only” — cuz that’s ultimately all it is — goes way over the line! Never any possible excuses for an uncontrollable mob-mentality to rise to those levels. Yet, very sadly — esp for family members of victims — it does happen. Seems to be a flaw in human DNA and neurology.

      That said, like you, I will ALWAYS and FOREVER root against the Yankees, the Philadelphia Eagles because of their fans, and Real Madrid FC and Portugal because of Christiano Ronaldo, and whatever team/club Jose Mourinho coaches because of his non-stop orbital arrogance. ALWAYS!!! Yes, I too have my whacky “buttons.” LOL

      Liked by 1 person

    • Jumping in here, I, too, HATE the Yankees, and as for the Eagles, worse fans in sports. Period. I remember watching a Monday night game in December in the 80’s. The Eagle’s fans were throwing shit onto the field and THEN, at half-time, they booed Santa when he came out onto the field. I mean, really? Booing Santa. A-holes. The lot of ’em.

      Liked by 2 people

    • Yes, the Eagles fans have also hit players, staff, people on the sidelines AND injured them by throwing objects and ice-balls (not snow balls!), and the one Cowboys vs Eagles game I attended in the old Texas stadium, those Eagles fans were inhuman really. What they screamed out of their mouths, with young children around, was truly unspeakable, unbelievably hateful! 😮 😖

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    • They’ve been like that as long as I’ve watched football. You’d think they’d be ashamed and change, but nope. They’re still like that.

      Liked by 2 people

    • “The city of Brotherly love?” Huh? WTF? 😮

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    • Sports is not only entertainment, it is also fantasy. Fans can “live” vicariously through the players and teams they root for. It’s exciting and fun, but it isn’t real… except to the professionals whose occupation is in the sports industry.

      So, when I express my passionate dislike of the Dodgers, I’m speaking as a fan who is temporarily in the fantasy world of baseball. In real life, I feel no such passion. One of my closest friends is a Dodger fan. We watch the games together, hurl insults at each other, and generally go crazy for 3 hours. Afterwards, it’s like it never happened.

      Those beasts who nearly killed that man at Dodger stadium, and who did ruin his life, are criminals not sports fans. Had they not committed the crime there, they probably would’ve committed it somewhere else. Unfortunately, the us-versus-them nature of sports does attract the mob/gang mentality. To them, the fantasy is real.

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    • “Unfortunately, the us-versus-them nature of sports does attract the mob/gang mentality.” As does politics, especially these days.

      Liked by 2 people

    • Very well stated and grounded Robert. Bravo!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Hahaha! Love it! 🤣

    First let it be known Jeff that my heart is and always WILL BE with futebol/soccer. When I die and need buriel, or cremation, my bones or ashes will be interred inside an big Adidas soccer ball and bladder to be “kicked” around by all my teams, teammates, and likely my opponents/arch-rivals! There will be free German and French beer served. HAH! 😝 But I am a fair-weather baseball fan now because of my son — he has become quite the ballplayer at 16 y/o and already being recruited by D2 and D1 NCAA baseball programs. He wants to try and get to the MLB one day. 😮 And I watched the entire MLB Post-season cuz of him. I know, I know… don’t all of you fallout in gasping shock!

    All that said, as an excuse of watching the World Series, all throughout the playoff games both American League and National League, you could’ve WALKED on all the ‘Angelic clouds, praises and prayers‘ from the interviewed players, particularly the non-caucasin players, if you get my meaning. I tell ya Jeff, you’d think that all GREAT sporting events and the teams, playoffs, championships, and phenomenal talents and big plays… were merely demonstrations of GOD’S sporting gifts!!! LOL Ugh and stick your finger down your throat to gag, I think ALL post-game interviews (with different Spanish dialects) essentially sound all the same:

    “I want to give God and my Lord Jesus Christ all the glory and thanks for giving me this opportunity to play here.”

    “Yeah… I just prayed that God/JC would give our team the strength to play our best, together, and outlast our opponent.”

    “Woooohoooo!!! This is all for Him up there!”

    For the last 3-4 decades, I have quite literally heard ALL the pat interview answers by ALL athletes in ALL major American sports — I kid you not, they are basically the same words, catch-phrases, every single time, like these guys are on REPEAT! There is of course one exception Jeff…

    futebol/soccer players and managers all have unique, relevant, tactically detailed explanations for their games! Yes, I’m dead serious! 😁 ⚽️⚽️⚽️

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    • What strikes me as so ludicrous when these players say, “God made us win,” is that it means he purposefully intervened in their favor so the other team had no chance of winning. So, does God hate the other team? Did they not pray enough? And, if it’s God who makes players hit home runs and catch game winning touchdown passes, what does that say of the talent and training of the players who do these things? Why train if all one needs is God? Why hire talented players for your team when it’s up to God whether or not they’ll play well? Could I, someone with no skills in baseball AT ALL, become a world class pitcher if I but pray enough? CRAZY!! I like that soccer players and teams seem to give credit to the skill and talent involved in winning games rather than to God because it’s the real reason they win. On another note, the Cubs, my home team, won the series last year. Don’t know if God was involved, but it sure as fuck was miraculous, that I’ll tell ya’! 🙂

      Liked by 3 people

    • Hahaha! Agree on all counts Jeff!

      And COME ON MAN!!! The Cubs last season had some major talent! But I honestly did pick the Indians to win it all; picked them again this season. Shows how much I KNOW about Godly sports, huh? 😉 😛

      Liked by 1 person

    • Cubs were terrific last year. I’m a sore loser, so, since the Dodgers beat the Cubs in the NLCS this year, I’m very glad the Astros beat them in World Series. Cubbies are still a good team, and should be back again next year. God willing, of course. 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

    • Hahaha!!!! Sorry buddy. God is with my/our Texas Rangers! Always has, always will be! 😉 😈

      Liked by 1 person

    • Yeah, God does favor Texans. That’s why he gave you guys all those guns. 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

    • LOL… Yee-HAW! 🤠 Let’s key-ick sum Yankee ass…

      (spits chew in spitoon…wipes mouth & chin)

      and ROH-dee-OHH some Steers and Heffers!!! Shhow ’em who’z got da BIGLYEST teets! 🐂🐄

      (empties both Six-shooters thru the ceiling!) 🔫🔫

      Liked by 1 person

  4. LOVE IT!

    This — I decided that the ______ prayed better, longer and harder than the ______ — is surely why some people’s prayers are answered and others not. You’d think they would have figured it out by now! 😀

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  5. I didn’t even know the World Series was being played until I read this post! Dang! I missed it!/sarc Thanks for letting the ‘cat’ out the bag. As you may realize by now, where I live is underneath a rock.

    As for what religion I practice, well now…let me see..does the ‘Religion Of No Religion’ count? Oh, that’s right! You can’t answer that, only HE can! LOL!

    Great post! Thanks for the laugh!

    Liked by 1 person

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