04.22.17
by

Ask A Black Hole

Dear Black Hole, lately I’ve been feeling like the whole world sucks. I want to stop feeling like this because many people are telling me it doesn’t suck, at least not all of it. Do you have any advice to help me stop feeling this way?   Thanks, Jenny Jinglebuns, a Catholic Nun

 

Dear Sr. Jinglebuns, thanks for asking me this question. It’s lonely out here in space, and I greatly appreciate any communication I receive from other sentient beings. Unfortunately, I can’t entirely help you with your question. You see, I’m the king of sucking. I suck EVERYTHING around me into me, even light. Why, just the other day, a spacecraft was flying by me, but, before I could even say hello, the entire thing shot past by my event horizon and was sucked into the oblivion that is the core of my being.  All I can really offer you on this matter is this: If I didn’t suck, I wouldn’t exist.  Thus, just because something sucks, it doesn’t mean it’s bad.  Thanks again for writing, and have a grand day.   Yours always, A Black Hole

 

24 thoughts on “Ask A Black Hole”

  2. Of course, you can always email the White House and ask an asshole. 😀

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  3. Brilliant! Please don’t lose your sense of humour. I know it’s hard, but please don’t!

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  4. I’m pretty sure if tRump read this he would wonder why there weren’t any white holes in space. And he’d be pretty sure they did not suck!

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  5. HAH! Perfect Jeff. 😉 On a bit of a (more? less?) serious note and aside from 1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW, this reminds me of a Native American Indian proverb…

    “One day an old Native American grandfather was talking to his grandson. He said, “There are two wolves fighting inside all of us – the wolf of fear and hate, and the wolf of love and peace.“

    The grandson listened, then looked up at his grandfather and asked, “Which one will win?”

    The grandfather replied, “The one we feed.””

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  6. “If I didn’t suck, I wouldn’t exist.” Boy have I been there!

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  7. I wonder if there are blow holes in space?

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