Acceptance Village, Alabama. A new study conducted by Professor Iblameyou of the University of Chicago was released today which found that all of the problems in the world today are caused by other people. “These results are amazing,” said Professor Iblameyou. “I surveyed over two thousand people from every part of the globe over the past three years and found, every time, that people blame other people for everything wrong with the world and with themselves. Clearly, these results indicate that the problem of other people is plague-like and simply must be eradicated before life on earth comes to a screeching halt. I would have released these results sooner, but the assistant I had working with me on the project was rather slow in putting the data I gave her together so I had to delay publishing this report. Last time I’ll work with her, I tell you that.
My study also found that when groups of other people act together, they’re even more damaging than when they act alone. Sometimes other people will form into groups, or countries even, that are very different from you and yours. When this happens, chaos ensues. These “other” groups start to act as if they’re as good as you and your group. Name-calling almost always follows. Fighting follows this, and soon, full-scale wars have erupted. We must act now to end the problem of others, a.k.a. those people over there. I’ve started an online group called End All Others Now. Our purpose is to make all others become just like us for the sake of the planet and all humanity. You can join the group at othersblow.com for the nominal fee of 50 dollars. Hope to see you all join – unless, of course, you’re one of them. If that’s the case, don’t bother because you’re not part of the solution, you’re the problem.”