Things Jesus Said On The Cross


1.) F$$k, this hurts!

2.) There are f$$kin’ ants on my toes.  ANTS!  Someone PLEASE brush them off before I lose my mind.

3.) My father is a mother f$$ker!

4.) When I come back in three days I’m gonna turn all these f$$k heads throwing sh$t at me into toads.

5.) The nail in my right wrist is kinda loose.  Someone may want to re-nail it before my arm slips free.

6.) So, you all think you have a cross to bare that’s just like mine?  F$$k you!  Hang on one of them like I am, then tell me that sh$t again!

7.) What f$$kin’ idiots in America voted for Trump?  You all just f$$ked yourselves.

8.) Damn, I could really use a beer about now.

9.) Thing is, I already know the Roman Empire is f$$ked, being omnipotent and all.  So, in that sense, I’m one up on the Roman bastards who nailed my a$$ to this cross.  I’ll still be around in 2000 years, and they won’t.  Ha, ha, ha, ha!

10.) Patricide.  It ain’t so bad when you look at what my pops did to me.


25 thoughts on “Things Jesus Said On The Cross

  1. Number 7 he repeated quite a few times while getting more and more agitated


  2. HAHAHAHAHA! You mean to tell me that he did not sing: “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life?”


  3. You bloody HEATHEN!!! You are a disgrace to this fine establishment! 😛


  4. 11) Well, this is a hell of a way to spend Easter!


  5. Jesus will be so cross with you … but you know that already. 😉


  6. And I’m gonna send Justin Bieber to PUNISH all’a’ya!


  7. Lament of the dying christ, that’s how I see it


  8. Did you get these quotes from “The Passion”, from the Dead Sea scrolls or from alternate facts of the “Times”? 🙂


  9. Totally irreverent and funny!


  10. Good job, you nailed it. Hugs


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