What up, peeps? John the Baptist’s severed head here. Ya’ know, a lot of folks ask me, “John the Baptist’s severed head, what’s the most inconvenient thing about being a severed head?” Well, there are many inconveniences to my current predicament, my inability to wank off due to the fact I’ve no hands and no penis being one. But, the MOST inconvenient thing about all this is that every time I eat or drink something, it just comes pouring outta my neck a second after I swallow it. This one time, I was on a date with this smokin’ hot Italian babe I met in Rome. We were sittin’ in a restaurant, enjoying a light, flirtatious conversation, when she says to me, “John’s severed head, you simply MUST taste this wonderful wine I’m having.” She then proceeds to pour, like, a whole glassful of the stuff right down my gullet. Needless to say, red wine shot outta my severed neck like water from a fire hose on steroids. It got all over her and all over the table where we were sitting. Yeah, that was the end of that date. She drove me home and promised she’d text me later to set up another date, but I never heard from her again. Can’t really say I blame her. Now days I spend most of my time alone, watching TV and eating as little as is humanly possible. Life’s just simpler this way, and far less messy.