Look Out Below!
Chicago, Illinois. A Chicago man today became deeply distraught when he was pooped on by a large bird while waiting for a bus. “It was horrible,” said the man in question, Jimmy John-John Muckinheimer The Third. “I was minding my own business, waiting for the bus, when suddenly, from outta nowhere, a big white bird flies over my head and relieves itself all over my left shoulder. The woman standing next to me almost passed out from shock as I screamed, ‘Oh my f-ing Lord, I’ve been shit on by a bird!’ After regaining somewhat of my composure, and assuring the woman I was unharmed, I called 911 to report the incident. I must say, the 911 operator seemed almost annoyed by my call but, he did send out a patrol car to check on the situation. I missed two buses while waiting for the police to arrive, but when they did, they helped me clean the poop off my shoulder with a wet-wipe, took down my statement, and told me they’d keep an eye out for the bird least the crazy beast shit on someone else. I gotta tell ya’, livin’ in a big city like Chicago has its advantages, but big-ass birds shittin’ on ya’ ain’t one of ’em.”
The Arm Chair Pontificator 
In my end of the world, if a bird shits on you, it is a sign of good luck as they say here that all things from up are good 😉
LikeLike
I’m pretty sure they say the same thing here, though I rather disagree with it. It’s always better luck not to be shit on, IMO. 🙂
LikeLike
I agree with you on that.
LikeLike
No, no, y’all have wrong. The crap was a message from the Lawd Gawd. And by using the bird as a messenger, the Lawd Gawd can demonstrate the power and might upon anyone indiscriminately. I’m sure if circumstances were ideal, Trump wouldn’t be immune to these natural annoyances. Bombs away!
LikeLike
Last time Da Lawd used a bird as a messenger a 12 year old virgin Jewish gal got pregnant. Add poop to that mix, and who knows what you’ll get.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m no good with cryptic stuff, but I’m guessing we get a “sh*t-bird” in the flesh and bone.
LikeLike
I’ve a mummy friend who’s great with “cryptic” stuff. I’ll ask her.
LikeLiked by 1 person
True story. We took a woman and man couple to Busch Gardens here in Florida. The lady had long hair. At the end of the day the birds gather in certain areas where people leaving will throw food away. Venders also dispose of food there. Birds flock there and eat all the food. As we were walking toward the gate a flock came over us low headed to the food, and one pooped in the lady’s hair. It was a stinking mess. The bird did not even pause. Took a while in the bathroom to rinse as much as possible out. She was not a happy person. Hugs
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yuck. Damned birds. They’ll be the death of us all if tRump doesn’t kill us first.
LikeLiked by 2 people
What a choice, being pooped on by birds to death or tRumped to death. Yuck.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ll take the birds. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
When I lived in Evanston, I had a bird poop on me as I was walking to work. Do you think this is a coincidence?
LikeLike
I think it’s some sort of conspiracy. Damned birds are trying to take over.
LikeLike