The Republican Test

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Do you consider yourself to be a Republican?  Are you a right-wing Conservative?  Are you sure?  Take the test below to see just how much of a Republican you truly are.

1.)  A true Republican believes:  A. Allah is not a real god.  B.  Catholics are not “true” Christians.  C.  Poor people are poor because they’re lazy.  D.  Disabled people are not really disabled, they’re just pretending.  E.  All of the above.

2.)  True Republicans think:  A.  America was founded in 1952 by Jesus Christ and 4 white, elderly rich guys with the surname of Smith.  B.  Undocumented aliens are all evil except for the ones they have cleaning their homes and cooking for them for .15 cents an hour.  C.  Public schools suck and tax dollars are better spent on giving them vouchers to send their kids to fancy private schools.   D.  Inner city neighborhoods are scary because brown and black people live in them.   E.  All of the above.

3.)  True Republicans love:  A.  That a black man will no longer be President.  B.  That a woman will not be President.  C.  A Jesus who loves only wealthy, conservative white people.  D.  Their own particular take on verses cherry-picked from a bible most of them have never read.  E.  All of the above.

4.)  True Republicans do:  A. Exactly what their Party tells them to.  B.  Not believe in Global Warming.  C.  All they can to suppress the voting rights of black and Hispanic citizens.  D.  A fantastic job convincing poor, uneducated white people that voting for them is a cure-all for all that ails ’em.   E. All of the above.

5.)  True Republicans voted Trump into office because:  A.  He’s incredibly smart.  B. He’s a sexual dynamo.  C.  He is allowed to grab women by the pussy because he’s famous.  D.  He’s sleeping with Vladimir Putin.  E.  They’re fucking self-aggrandizing, wooden-brained idiots.

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37 thoughts on “The Republican Test

  1. Someone just said in your comments “too true to be funny” and I believe I said the same thing about one of your posts not long ago. It shows the world is really fucking up when even your perfectly on point little gems can’t really raise a laugh but instead make us shake our heads in worry 😪

  2. Happy new year!

  3. Nasty but mostly on target. I beg to differ on the very last E point – it’s more complicated, though stupidity was a factor in many cases …

  4. Too true to be funny.

  5. Fucking AWESOME!

    I have all E’s. 🙂

  6. Posting from the UK: Neat, sharp words, bound to ruffle feathers so can’t be bad.
    Just to let you know some of my fellow travellers on the Left (politically) seem to think you are all to blame for Donald Trump, and you all carry guns are over-weight and white (unless you are a rapper). Our racism is far more respectable.

    • I hate respectable racism. Geez, if you’re gonna be a racist, be a loud ‘n proud ugly one. What is the world coming to? As for tRump, yeah, I live in a country filled with idjits, some are just plain ignorant, but many more are simply too filled with apathy and laziness to vote. Thus, tRump becomes President and the whole world is gonna suffer for it. Ugh.

    • Well he’s had an easy ride in the world of business and reality TV. Now he and his have to play in the Big Boys and Girls’ playground, and that’s without the chance of ‘Capitol Hill’ all snapping and snarling at his heels when he doesn’t do as they expect. Even the legendary fixer LBJ had to play nice sometimes. We shall see, we shall see

    • He’s filled his cabinet with the lowest forms of pond scum around. He’s already antagonizing the Chinese. This is not gonna good. Hopefully, enough progressives will polarize around this and fight back. It’s happening already.

    • I’m going to wait and see how this all works. The one thing about politics is you can never really tell.
      F’instance 2015. UK David Cameron leader of the Conservatives won a General Election and was unstoppable, he was due to retire as Prime Minster in 2020 and his Chancellor of the Exchequer (Treasury) George Osborne was a shoe-in as next Prime Minister…..One Brexit later- George Osborne is ‘just another Member of Parliment’ and David Cameron has thrown the whole towel in left politics.
      So I’m sort of waiting to see how the Republican Party will act with the President when the dust has settled. And that’s before the various states start to make themselves known on some issue.
      And there’s my old hope that the more reasonable folk from various sides of the political spectrum start to talk to each other, ignore the pundits and self-servers and say ‘Yeh..I kind of see where you’re coming from, and it seems we sort of agree on…….’
      I’m 65 so I can be the category of ‘And old men will dream dreams’
      Take care.
      Best wishes for the holidays
      Here’s hoping 2017 will be a ‘middling’ year.

    • Have a great holiday yourself. Thanks for stopping by.

    • 😃 !!

  7. He’s a s sexual dynamo? He’s more like birth control.

  8. On point. Bravo.

  9. Great work as always. You sure found a way into their minds. Hugs

  10. The thing is … if the “True Republicans” were true to themselves, they would mark “E” as their response to each and every question. But of course, as is their M.O, they will deny, deny, deny.

    (One of your better posts.) 🙂

  11. Love it!

  12. Perfect!

  13. Hilarious! A quintiple E rating? Isn’t that below default?

  14. Pingback: The Republican Test — The Arm Chair Pontificator- I love this! Too funny! | cornfedcontessa

  15. Man, you hit the nail on the head! I have to reblog!

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