Trump Appoints Cigarette As Surgeon General

The New Surgeon General Of The United States

The New Surgeon General Of The United States

Hackville, North Dakota.   In a stunning move today, President-elect Donald Trump announced he’s given the job of U.S. Surgeon General to a giant cigarette.   “The job of Surgeon General is a bigly one,” Trump said earlier.  “I firmedly believe this giant cigarette will perform the job of keeping America great again far better than any lying sissified doctor could.  As all of my supporters know, cigarettes do not cause cancer.  They’ve been maligned over the decades by liberal media pansies because they are stupid dumb-dumbs.   Cigarettes are as American as Jesus, guns, and poorly educated white, male voters.   Thus, I find this appointment to be really, really unwrong and awesomely pro-correct.   It is also a goodly appointment because….America!  And because….Freedom!  May God bless all of my supporters and give everyone else cancer.  Amen.”


33 thoughts on “Trump Appoints Cigarette As Surgeon General

  1. VERY funny…and sadly possible. continue…

  2. Okay, so this one is just hilarious without inducing nausea. So true, and so real and so funny – this is so you 😉

  3. Lol! The title alone is Nobel worthy. Greatness on this one 🙂

  4. Some years ago Michael Moore tried to run a Ficus Tree for Congress:

    • Caligula, back in the day, put his favorite horse on the Roman senate. Thus, tRump is in great company.

    • I’d never vote for a Ficus. They’re way to right wing. Now, if we’re talking Elms, that’s another story.

    • If I were a sheeple inclined to vote for the ideal politician, I’d put my money on the cottonwood. At least twice in the summer they spew they white cottony shit everywhere, clogging up fans and air conditioners. They continually make a mess in parks and when they fall, i.e., lose an election, they collapse in such ways as to cause nothing but trouble for long times to come, especially in creeks and rivers. Their substance (wood) is totally useless. Need I go on?

    • The tRump tree is what we call ’em here.

  5. May be some method in the madness. In 1932, the father of JFK, Joseph P Kennedy was appointed the inaugural Chairman of The Securities and Exchange Commission. This appointment raised some eyebrows as Kennedy had been a notorious trader in the then unregulated stock market.

    Indeed it was seen as akin to putting the Fox in charge of the Hen house. But Kennedy argued he knew all the lurks and loopholes as he had used them all and was therefore ideally placed to close them all down. Well lo and behold Kennedy was proved correct and brought in far reaching regulation that remained in place right up until Bill Clinton’s time [Bill Clinton repealed many of the regulations at the behest of big money interests].

    So the cigarette may be a more prescient appointment than it appears on the surface.

  6. I think this is a good appointment. Neutral. And will make people sick on all sides

  7. Excellent!

  8. LMAO! Perfect indeed!

    And so very possible. We should expect no less from His Orangeness.

    His next cabinet appointments: Hugh Hefner for The Ministry of Virtue, Rush Limbaugh for Secretary of Women’s Health (though these two could switch positions), and Kellyanne Con(ning)way for Ministry of Truth. Winning!

    On a more somber note, we are, um, skrewt. I expected the worst, but I must admit that this is worse than I expected. We are facing unprecedented times, a multipronged disaster of massive proportions.

    What Trump will do, now that he’s achieved the ultimate position of power on Earth, is engage in one-up-manship competition with all the other ruling kleptofascists around the world, trying to show them that he is the bestest / richest / most powerful of them all. I pray to gods that I’m wrong on this.

  9. Perfect, and so terribly true considering he’s appointed a climate change denier to the head of the EPA.

  10. Holy… outdid yourself with this one… damn good. I love the Trump speech, kind of a dumber George Bush.

  11. Awesomely pro correct
    Just love that

  12. This line ” Cigarettes are as American as Jesus, guns, and poorly educated white, male voters. ” is pure genius and nobel prize winning truth. Sadly it says far too much about our country now. Hugs

  13. Cancer is good. It helps the economy. /sarc

  14. Another post I almost thought was real. 🙂

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