The New Surgeon General Of The United States
Hackville, North Dakota. In a stunning move today, President-elect Donald Trump announced he’s given the job of U.S. Surgeon General to a giant cigarette. “The job of Surgeon General is a bigly one,” Trump said earlier. “I firmedly believe this giant cigarette will perform the job of keeping America great again far better than any lying sissified doctor could. As all of my supporters know, cigarettes do not cause cancer. They’ve been maligned over the decades by liberal media pansies because they are stupid dumb-dumbs. Cigarettes are as American as Jesus, guns, and poorly educated white, male voters. Thus, I find this appointment to be really, really unwrong and awesomely pro-correct. It is also a goodly appointment because….America! And because….Freedom! May God bless all of my supporters and give everyone else cancer. Amen.”
The Arm Chair Pontificator 
VERY funny…and sadly possible. continue…
LikeLike
Very true.
LikeLike
Okay, so this one is just hilarious without inducing nausea. So true, and so real and so funny – this is so you 😉
LikeLike
Thank you very much. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Lol! The title alone is Nobel worthy. Greatness on this one 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks. 😀
LikeLike
Some years ago Michael Moore tried to run a Ficus Tree for Congress:
LikeLike
Caligula, back in the day, put his favorite horse on the Roman senate. Thus, tRump is in great company.
LikeLike
I’d never vote for a Ficus. They’re way to right wing. Now, if we’re talking Elms, that’s another story.
LikeLike
If I were a sheeple inclined to vote for the ideal politician, I’d put my money on the cottonwood. At least twice in the summer they spew they white cottony shit everywhere, clogging up fans and air conditioners. They continually make a mess in parks and when they fall, i.e., lose an election, they collapse in such ways as to cause nothing but trouble for long times to come, especially in creeks and rivers. Their substance (wood) is totally useless. Need I go on?
LikeLike
The tRump tree is what we call ’em here.
LikeLike
May be some method in the madness. In 1932, the father of JFK, Joseph P Kennedy was appointed the inaugural Chairman of The Securities and Exchange Commission. This appointment raised some eyebrows as Kennedy had been a notorious trader in the then unregulated stock market.
Indeed it was seen as akin to putting the Fox in charge of the Hen house. But Kennedy argued he knew all the lurks and loopholes as he had used them all and was therefore ideally placed to close them all down. Well lo and behold Kennedy was proved correct and brought in far reaching regulation that remained in place right up until Bill Clinton’s time [Bill Clinton repealed many of the regulations at the behest of big money interests].
So the cigarette may be a more prescient appointment than it appears on the surface.
LikeLike
Well, the cigarette will clearly be far more intelligent than any human tRump might have given the position to.
LikeLike
Certainly a better choice than the brain surgeon guy who thought the Pyramids were used to store grain.
LikeLike
Yeah, just a brilliant fellow.
LikeLike
I think this is a good appointment. Neutral. And will make people sick on all sides
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yeah, leave it to tRump to make great appointments like this one.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Excellent!
LikeLike
🙂
LikeLike
LMAO! Perfect indeed!
And so very possible. We should expect no less from His Orangeness.
His next cabinet appointments: Hugh Hefner for The Ministry of Virtue, Rush Limbaugh for Secretary of Women’s Health (though these two could switch positions), and Kellyanne Con(ning)way for Ministry of Truth. Winning!
On a more somber note, we are, um, skrewt. I expected the worst, but I must admit that this is worse than I expected. We are facing unprecedented times, a multipronged disaster of massive proportions.
What Trump will do, now that he’s achieved the ultimate position of power on Earth, is engage in one-up-manship competition with all the other ruling kleptofascists around the world, trying to show them that he is the bestest / richest / most powerful of them all. I pray to gods that I’m wrong on this.
LikeLike
Unfortunately, you’re not. We’re screwed.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Perfect, and so terribly true considering he’s appointed a climate change denier to the head of the EPA.
LikeLike
I know. It’s disgusting.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Holy… outdid yourself with this one… damn good. I love the Trump speech, kind of a dumber George Bush.
LikeLike
tRump makes George W. seem like Einstein. Never thought anyone could be worse than Bush, but, he’s been found.
LikeLike
Awesomely pro correct
Just love that
LikeLike
🙂
LikeLike
This line ” Cigarettes are as American as Jesus, guns, and poorly educated white, male voters. ” is pure genius and nobel prize winning truth. Sadly it says far too much about our country now. Hugs
LikeLike
Right. It says far too much.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Cancer is good. It helps the economy. /sarc
LikeLike
Very true.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Another post I almost thought was real. 🙂
LikeLike
I know. It still may happen.
LikeLiked by 1 person