I Decided…

decisions

1.)  I decided to swim down to the Titanic to see what it looks like up close but gave up because the water was too cold.

2.)  I decided to give up my job as head of the CIA because I never held the position in the first place.

3.)  I decided to become a leading member of the Yakuza, but, since I can’t speak Japanese, they had no idea what I was asking them, so they told me to fuck off.  At least I think that’s what they told me.

4.)  I decided to purchase a wild, hungry tiger as a pet, but, since it ripped off my right arm and ate it, I returned it.

5.)  I decided to dye my skin orange, become a misogynistic, xenophobic racist, run for President, and win.  However, since that’s already been done, I didn’t do it.

6.)  I decided my God was better than all the other gods that people believe in; started a church; got tax exemption for myself and said church, and now I’m a billionaire collecting tax-free money from my followers.  Praise be to my God.

7.)  I decided to wear my KKK outfit out in public this week, and guess what?  No one cared.

8.)  I decided grabbing women by the pussy without their permission was an awesome idea, and guess what?  The President-Elect of the United States agrees with me.

9.)  I decided to be bitten by a radioactive spider so I could become Spiderman.  However, once I exposed the spider to gamma radiation, it died and was unable to bite me.   Thus, I’m still just a fat white guy with no super powers.

10.)  I decided to say Happy Thanksgiving to all my readers, even the ones fortunate enough to not live in America these days.

 

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13 thoughts on “I Decided…

  1. ” I decided to say Happy Thanksgiving to all my readers, even the ones fortunate enough to not live in America these days.”
    Ha! I feel your pain, I hope you had a nice Thanksgiving all the same ❤

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  2. I am amazed that the water being cold was the only problem you had with #1

    #6 is a proven path to success. I had no idea you were that sleazy though…. 😉 Seriously have you ever looked at a preacher that didn’t make you want to puke? They all look like sleazy con men. Oh…wait!

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  3. You got thoughts. Interesting thoughts.

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  4. OK, this time I have to use that thing texters use when they want to indicate they’ve been amused… ROTFLMAO!!! (and thanks for that bit of music: wonderful!)

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  5. I decided it was time for Albinoni in G minor.

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