1.) I decided to swim down to the Titanic to see what it looks like up close but gave up because the water was too cold.
2.) I decided to give up my job as head of the CIA because I never held the position in the first place.
3.) I decided to become a leading member of the Yakuza, but, since I can’t speak Japanese, they had no idea what I was asking them, so they told me to fuck off. At least I think that’s what they told me.
4.) I decided to purchase a wild, hungry tiger as a pet, but, since it ripped off my right arm and ate it, I returned it.
5.) I decided to dye my skin orange, become a misogynistic, xenophobic racist, run for President, and win. However, since that’s already been done, I didn’t do it.
6.) I decided my God was better than all the other gods that people believe in; started a church; got tax exemption for myself and said church, and now I’m a billionaire collecting tax-free money from my followers. Praise be to my God.
7.) I decided to wear my KKK outfit out in public this week, and guess what? No one cared.
8.) I decided grabbing women by the pussy without their permission was an awesome idea, and guess what? The President-Elect of the United States agrees with me.
9.) I decided to be bitten by a radioactive spider so I could become Spiderman. However, once I exposed the spider to gamma radiation, it died and was unable to bite me. Thus, I’m still just a fat white guy with no super powers.
10.) I decided to say Happy Thanksgiving to all my readers, even the ones fortunate enough to not live in America these days.