Trump Reveals True Self After Winning Election

President-Elect, Donald Trump In His Natural Form

President-Elect, Donald Trump In His True Form

Orange County, California.   Minutes after winning last night’s election, Donald Trump revealed himself to be an orange, squid-like alien from the Andromeda galaxy.   “Now that I’ve finally won this thing,” Mr. Trump said to reporters, “I can remove this ridiculously uncomfortable human form and reveal my true self to the world.   My real name is Zek’da’Inteka, and I’m from a planet in the Andromeda galaxy called Marmalade Land.  I came to Earth in order to rule it and to eat McDonald’s cheeseburgers.   I knew no one would accept me if they saw me in my true form, so I disguised myself as a narcissistic bigot and ran for president on a platform consisting solely of wildly impossible, xenophobic promises.   I want to thank everyone who voted for me.  And for those who didn’t, you know who you are, I’m gonna find each and every one of you and squirt you with nasty smelling orange goo from my enormous anal glands.   Well, I’m off now to eat some McDonald’s cheeseburgers and work on my plan for a speedy domination of the entire Earth.  Bye bye.”

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36 thoughts on “Trump Reveals True Self After Winning Election

  1. I had surmised reptilian or hag fish origins. Had not thought of cephalopods. Always good in these times of much mooted immigration problems to have confirmation of identity. Maybe we also need a wall across the galaxy. Just in case…

  2. Ah! Now it makes sense.

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  4. Of course he eats McDonalds cheeseburgers. Then he shits them out and eats them again. Why he can go three weeks after eating one cheeseburger, just shitting it out and eating it again. During the campaign the defecation phase was laughably referred to as ‘giving a speech.’

    But the scary part is that aliens like him are all around us. Why didn’t the Native Americans build a wall between earth and Marmalade Land when they had the chance?

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  6. I prefer the alien to that thing it’s impersonating.

  7. Kudos for managing to be your usual funny self. I have to tell you I’m impressed. Yesterday, I was too depressed to do anything more than watch trashy TV.

    • I’m deeply depressed and terrified. I depend on social services for my survival. Soon, I may be on the street. I get how the struggling working class is angered by the system, but how in fuck’s name they think Republicans and a fascist like Trump will help them is beyond reason. There are horrible times ahead for all, even for the Trumpites.

    • Oh dear God! How awful! I don’t even know what to say that’s not going to sound trite but I really hope it doesn’t come to this for you. Here I am, complaining about Trump and yet I’m not directly affected by this election like you obviously are. I’m so, so sorry.

    • Yeah, this shit is deeply personal for me. I just don’t see why SO many in my position still vote Republican and for idjits like Trump. They do nothing to help the poor, elderly, or disabled. Crazy. Well, at least I can still use my humor to make fun of all this, scary as it is.

    • I’ve encountered a lot of protest votes over the years but they used to be from right to left. Then the right had an absolutely wonderful brain wave: why not force the left to become right? And so it was until the left became distrusted and despised and the sheeple returned to the right, and by then there was so little difference between them, less and less people bothered voting… until the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. Clinton was seen as elitist, war-mongering, pro international trade treaties, untrustworthy. At that point it no longer mattered that Trump was possibly worse, people voted in anger at Democratic sell-out to Wall Street, banksters and corporations. Simplistic explanation but it’s something like that.

    • And because of it I’ll lose my health insurance, social security and home. Yep. Can’t wait to be on the street in 2 or maybe 3 years if I’m lucky. God fucking bless America and the stupid fucks who live in that continually vote against their own best interests. It just really sucks that they also have voted against mine and fucked up my life and the lives of others like me.

    • If I were a betting person I’d bet that in less than a year hardly anyone will admit to have voted for Donald Trump. Not that that will help anyone…

    • He already has named several corporate lobbyists to help with his “transition” team. Within HOURS of winning he’s already broken his “promise” to be anti-establishment and different. What a joke. He’s a corporate slut who’s no different than any other politician out there. And idiots who voted for him believed he was different and was gonna help them get out of poverty. Idiots.

  8. Great investigative reporting. Now how many illegal squids voted for him ??? Hugs

  9. Doesn’t this revelation make Trump an illegal alien and therefore ineligible to become president?

  10. He actually looks better in his real form. His name is a bit hard to pronounce, so how about a nice endearing “little squiddy”?

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