Farting Increases As US Election Draws Near
Colon City, Nebraska. Scientists at NASA are reporting a worldwide increase in farting as the US Presidential election draws near. “I was in Montreal yesterday,” said NASA scientist Billy “The Nebula” Sunspot. “And the air there was so rancid from all the farting I thought I was going to lose my eyesight. Every person I passed let out an enormous fart. The same phenomena has been reported to be happening all over the globe. People are afraid to leave their homes for fear they’ll pass out from the stench of the farts that they themselves are contributing to. The only logical reason for this, we scientists at NASA have concluded, is the gastrointestinal distress the citizens of the earth are experiencing due to the upcoming US election. We can offer only this advice to a world of people suffering from constant farting and fart-induced nasal trauma: It’s almost over. Two more days, and it’ll be finished. So, just be patient, and soon, the world will return to place where people fart only occasionally and not all at once.”
The Arm Chair Pontificator 
Speaking of flatulence, I read a very disturbing news report last week which told of a women suffering serious injuries when she farted during a laser procedure on her nether regions. It seems that there is methane in the output which the laser ignited.
Truly a story where one does not know whether to laugh or cry:
http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/health/a-female-patient-passes-wind-in-surgery-and-the-fart-ignites-the-laser-being-used/news-story/c11341a1824d857f54fa904422a08f11
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Damn straight there’s methane in farts. Next time you feel one coming on, bend over and light a match while you do it. A nice blue flame will form. As teenagers we used to do this whilst acting like fools. Luckily no one got “burned.”
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Ouch.
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How in the world did you come across this story?!!?
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Nan Google recommended the story for me.
Now I wonder what sort of profile that Google have built up on me.
Perhaps Google recalled the fart story I shared with Arch a while back. {this is a true story} Back in 1980’s a person was diagnosed with an abscess in their anus. They were in hospital suffering pain and the associated indignity of their condition and treatment. A friend was trying to determine what message of comfort to send, eventually settling upon the following:
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Dear Arm Chair Pontificator, I fear that if a certain person whose name rhymes with rump is elected, there will be a significant increase of hot air which will intensify the stench.
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Not just hot air, but the festering crap it comes from.
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Reblogged this on ~Burning Woman~ and commented:
Are you doing your bit for the election?
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… and a world without humour… is a world without humour. I am reblogging this one, yeah! A perfect day to end daylight worthless time change. Three things need to happen of great political import this year: get over this US election, or is it an erection? Finally get rid of “daylight saving time”. Remove the .9 of a penny from pump gas prices. Really, how hard can it be so we can demonstrate that all evidence to the contrary there is some intelligence among the Earthian species?
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Erections are good things. This election, not so much. Well, erections are good things unless they last too long, but, luckily, I’ve not had that problem. Thanks greatly for the re-blog. 🙂
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My great pleasure!
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I know my family are helping out by doing as much farting as possible. Especially in enclosed spaces. Hugs
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Awesome.
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OMGawd! So that’s what’s been going on! I’ve been so embarrassed. I feel much better now that I know it’ll all “pass” within a couple of days.
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Let’s hope it does. 🙂
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2 more days and we may have an end to the farting or it will be the beginning of worse days
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If tRump wins it’ll be 4 years of daily, unstoppable diarrhea.
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And here we are at the final leg. Your vote counts and that of your neighbors
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Yes indeed.
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I heard some have stop bathing or flushing as a result of preoccupation
The Mimulus clouds are heavier these days
climate change
Gashouse affects
The Sheldon Perspective
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All true.
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I’ll be glad when its over.
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As will I. I just hope tRump does not win.
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Ramen
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