As many of the 700 million followers of this blog know, I’m able to see the future. Therefor, I’ve decided to share with my readers a few spoilers of what’s soon to come.
1.) Aquaman will drown because his ability to breath underwater will vanish on March 13th, 2018 while he’s collecting seashells in the deep Atlantic.
2.) Bernie Sanders will convert to Catholicism and be named Pope on June 3rd, 2017.
3.) Thomas Jefferson will return from the dead and tell Congress to go fuck itself for screwing up the Federal Government as badly as it has on January 19th, 2019.
4.) Aliens from the Andromeda galaxy will arrive on Earth on December 2nd, 2020 to disassemble the pyramids in Egypt and to try pizza for the first time.
5.) Citizens of Italy will wake up on July 22nd, 2019 speaking French instead of Italian. Also, they will no longer remember how to make a decent lasagna.
6.) Evangelical Christians will stop worrying about gay people and gay marriage and instead focus only on bettering themselves and solving their own, personal issues on…..Naw, I’m just fuckin’ with y’all. We all know this will NEVER happen.
7.) Santa Claus will shave his beard and reveal himself to be Brad Pitt on Christmas Eve, 2021.
8.) And, lastly, for now, on April 23rd, 2017, Mickey and Minnie Mouse will announce they’ve just gotten married and are expecting a litter of nine to be born by the end of the month.
The Arm Chair Pontificator 
I’m shocked to hear about Minnie and Mickey. To think they were together all this time without making their relationship sacred!
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I know, right?
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Great stuff. Reminds me of Johnny Carsons “Carnac The Magnificent!” Perhaps I have dated myself…
#6 was hilarious.
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I really miss that guy and his show.
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#5 is pure sacrilege! What the hell is the world coming to?
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I know, right? Lasagna is my favorite food ever!
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Is is a sacrilege indeed, but not as terrible as if Nuova Simonelli was no longer making espresso machines in Le Marche. If that happens, this planet is doomed… But the other part, as a French speaking person with a couple of Italians following my blog, that’s good news as I can’t seem to make sense of Italian and the translator… well that leaves a lot to be desired, and yes, I’ve tried it in English as well as French. So, 3 more years to hang in there with my Italian friends and they’ll be able to talk to me. I like that. Thank you O Mighty and Divinely Inspired Prophet.
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I’ve had 3 Italians following me around for months now. Something about Don Corleone wanting to cash in on a favor I owe him.
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Hope you didn’t stiff him on a horse race bet. I’d keep my bedroom door locked.
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Naw. It has something to do with the Tattaglia family.
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Oh, those guys: they’re relentless, obsessed, tenacious and determined. But you’re more than a match for that, right?
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I am. Yes, I am. 🙂
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Great predictions, and thanks for the laughs. To number 8, a good reminder to set up my mouse traps. I’ll use live traps, then hold the little buggers for ransom. Should I send my ransom notes to Disneyland or Disney world? More likely I’ll get stuck with ’em and have to start my own cartoon series, damn!
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Let me know if you do. I’ll watch ’em. 🙂
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Great. I’m going to change the shape of their ears though. Something a bit more ratty I think…
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Excellent idea.
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Hilarious
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I needed to write something silly to take my mind of this damned election here.
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I feel you my friend. There are 8 days to go and we can only hope they end soon
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$Amen$
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I hear you there! You done good. 😉
Especially love #2 and #6 (you almost had me going).
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I’ve gone and went several times already. Some would say I’m still there. 🙂
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