Jesus Says He’s Really Liam Neeson

Jesus Praying For An Academy Award Earlier This Year

Jesus Praying For An Academy Award Earlier This Year

Communion Wafer Villa, Italy.    Jesus announced earlier today that he is really Liam Neeson.   “Yeah, I’ve been Liam Neeson for several millennia now,” Jesus said.  “I didn’t want to say anything about it sooner because I didn’t think anyone would believe me, much less care.  But, I’ve got a Martin Scorsese directed movie, Silence, coming out in December, and I figured if people knew I was really Liam Neeson, the chances of it being nominated for a few Academy Awards would greatly increase.   Let me put it this way: I’ve got the power to send members of the Academy to either Heaven or Hell.  If they give my film a few Academy Awards, and I’ll send ’em to Heaven.  If they don’t, I’ll send ’em to Hell.  It’s that simple.   Gotta run now, I’ve got a few re-shoots to do, and Mr. Scorsese hates it when I’m late.”


22 thoughts on “Jesus Says He’s Really Liam Neeson

  1. If he screws a woman ( or man) I wonder if he’ll pass on Midichlorians in his divine sperm?

  2. Could this explain why I like Neeson?

  3. Tell Neeson (I mean Jeebus) I want my money back for that stupid winter/wolf survival movie I watched a while back…

    • The Grey, I think it was called or something like that.

    • Yeah, something like that… I want my damn money back!

    • Yep. That was the title. BTW, I played the big-ass CGI wolf in the movie. Hope you liked my performance.

    • I’m impressed! But I have to tell you, had that been me there, that movie would have ended differently.

      The way they write scripts these days almost always ticks me off to a degree. No one wants to watch a movie with me because I’m always pointing out the idiotic plot holes. I’m sorry!

      I very much dislike bad/uncourteous drivers too! So if you have sensitive ears you might not want to ride with me either 🙂

    • Check out “Hell Or High Water” best movie I’ve seen this year. A plot we’ve all seen with acting, directing, and story telling I’ve not seen in decades. Also, check out “The Nice Guys” a Shane Black film I greatly enjoyed this year. There are awesome films being made, but no one goes to see them. Oh, and also, if you’ve not seen “Room” from last year with Brie Larsen’s Academy Award winning performance, you must. Great stuff. I actually kinda liked the theme of “The Grey” but thought the execution of the film could have been better. Anyway, may Jeebus bless and love you. $Amen$

    • I will look for them 🙂

      Yes The Grey had some potential, it just failed miserably in execution IMO.

      I don’t know if you are a zombie fan but the Fear The Walking Dead series has these people doing the dumbest stuff, I’m jumping up and down saying “c’mon man who is that stupid?” But I keep watching, at least for now…

    • I’ve seen the first season of that. It’s OK. Not as good as TWD, but OK.

  4. More like Sean Bean… Always dying.

  5. Of course! It makes so much sense now.

  6. Just as I suspected…

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