08.21.16
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Use Of Emojis Linked To Finger Cancer

Emojis: Friends Or Carcinogens?

Emojis: Friends Or Carcinogens?

Lots ‘O Time Town, Arkansas.    The results of a new study conducted by Professor Dickie Bartholomew Linkensmarter the Third of the University of Sudden Importance were released today which show a direct correlation between the use of emojis and finger cancer.  ” These results are as frightening as they are scary,” Professor Linkensmarter said earlier.   “Those who use emojis, and who doesn’t, have a 99% chance of developing terminal finger cancer by the time they’re 55 years old.  I asked over 100 separate people who looked like they had cancerous fingers whether or not they used emojis when sending messages with their cell phones and iPads.   99 of them said they did.   I then asked each of those people their age, and not a one was over 55.  Clearly, these results show that the use of emojis while texting your friends causes finger cancer: finger cancer that will probably kill you before you’re 55.  I hope all who read this understand the extreme danger of emoji use and stop using them today.  Remember, your fingers are more important to you than any smiley ever could be.”

18 thoughts on “Use Of Emojis Linked To Finger Cancer”

  2. Loved this, but your comment was the highlight: “Yes. Unless you use small condoms on each finger when you’re using emojies.”

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  3. Damn it, I have cancer too!?
    😀🙂😉😊🐶🐙🦄🦄🦄🦄🐌🐌🍓🌶🍔🚕🚐🚨🛀🏇📱📱📱📱📱📱📱📱📱

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  4. Holy shit! How can we tell if we have finger cancer? I have used emojis! Should I go see a dr.?

    Hey man, get better soon, whatever your ailment might be. 🙂 Oh dammit!

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  5. Thanks for the news, I shall implement your suggestions right away. 🙂 😉 Hugs

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