10 Things I’ve Recently Learned

things

Here are 10 things I’ve learned recently.

1.) I do not have the power of 50 men in my right arm.

2.) I should not jump off garage roofs for fun.

3.) Skunks do not like to be cuddled.

4.) Placing one’s hand into a mound of fire ants has very painful consequences.

5.) Tequila is not for snorting.

6.) Women do not find it sexy that I can eat 12 jelly donuts at once.

7.) A good way to lose friends is by putting tiger balm in their jocks.

8.) Spitting cobras are not good pets for the elderly.

9.) Calling large, muscular dudes in the gym sissy-boys is a bad idea.

10.) Riding horses naked through large metropolitan areas in subzero weather impresses no one.

 

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25 thoughts on “10 Things I’ve Recently Learned

  1. You are priceless. As usual you have brought laughter into my day, and fuck knows I needed it. Thank you. As I said, priceless!

  2. I was thinking of your arm in # 1 and got wondering … What about the left one?
    Hugs

  3. For #6, do you mean at once as in consecutively in one sitting, or literally all at once with a little of each donut in every bite? Because if it’s the latter I don’t see how anyone could not be turned on by that, woman or not.

  4. Now for some reason I have an old (was it Pat Travers?) song going through my head. “Snorting whiskey, and drinking cocaine. Got this feeling, Gonna drive that girl insane”

  5. Maybe if you repeat #4 a couple of times, it will not hurt

  6. I think Number 10 would impress me. I’m doing my best to imagine it, just can’t decide the time of day that would impress the most – maybe 9:00 PM, with a light drift of snow, and the horse, of course, is snow white. And no saddle, hear? That would spoil the whole effect. Definitely no saddle.

  7. I just saw that snorting thing on TV
    It didn’t look like something I would try
    I also saw the enema alcohol thing recently
    OK no one said I was sane
    It’s on vice channel
    The Sheldon Perspective

  8. ha! 🙂

  9. Superb.

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