Here are a few quotes from The Bible many folks have never heard of because I just made them up.
1.) And Jesus said unto the pizza delivery boy, “I’m not paying for this, dude! It’s got anchovies on it. I specifically said NO anchovies. Bring it back, and bring me what I ordered or I’ll tell my Pops on ya.” Mark 45:32-33
2.) And Yahweh said to Jesus, “Yep. I’m you and your me, and the Holy Spirit is you and me, too. We’re all three, one. Why is this so hard for you to understand?” Matthew 12:66-67
3.) “Obi-Wan, is Darth Vader really my father?” Luke 22:15
4.) The Prophet Greg cried out into the heavens, “OUCH! There’s a friggin’ rock in my sandal! Everyone who’s gathered here to hear my prophecies is gonna have to come back tomorrow. I simply can’t work under these conditions.” Jeremiah 12:78
5.) Pontius Pilate, upon his first arrival into Judaea, heard a man from the crowd that had gathered to greet him cry out,”Christ, Pilate, what the fuck did you do to get sent all the way out here, screw the Emperor’s wife?!” John 54:21-22