Lesser Known Quotes From The Bible


Here are a few quotes from The Bible many folks have never heard of because I just made them up.

1.) And Jesus said unto the pizza delivery boy, “I’m not paying for this, dude!  It’s got anchovies on it.  I specifically said NO anchovies.  Bring it back, and bring me what I ordered or I’ll tell my Pops on ya.”  Mark 45:32-33

2.) And Yahweh said to Jesus, “Yep.  I’m you and your me, and the Holy Spirit is you and me, too.  We’re all three, one.  Why is this so hard for you to understand?”  Matthew 12:66-67

3.) “Obi-Wan, is Darth Vader really my father?” Luke 22:15

4.) The Prophet Greg cried out into the heavens, “OUCH!  There’s a friggin’ rock in my sandal!  Everyone who’s gathered here to hear my prophecies is gonna have to come back tomorrow.  I simply can’t work under these conditions.”  Jeremiah 12:78

5.) Pontius Pilate, upon his first arrival into Judaea, heard a man from the crowd that had gathered to greet him cry out,”Christ, Pilate, what the fuck did you do to get sent all the way out here, screw the Emperor’s wife?!” John 54:21-22

17 thoughts on “Lesser Known Quotes From The Bible

  1. Thanks to you, the trinity is now clear as day


  2. EH HUM !! I do believe I did see ole Greg at the disco last weekend ! I am just saying he sure knows a lot of Donna Summer’s songs. Ya, sure it could have been the other dude, but he offered to baptize the cute bartender if he came home with him… Just saying . Hugs


  3. Now that at least makes sense!


  4. I’m pretty sure I don’t remember these from Sunday School. Oh well, must have not been paying attention….Although, the Prophet Greg does sound familiar….
    Your talent knows no bounds, sir! Glad your daily satire is back on my schedule 🙂


  5. #2 is totally understandable:

    You and me and the ghost makes three… which is really one.

    Just like Ghidorah, the Three-Headed Monster.


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