05.22.16
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Pearly Gate Falls From Heaven, Crushes Gary, Indiana

The Pearly Gates In 1998

The Pearly Gates, circa 1998

Sky Fairy City, Oklahoma.   One of the pearly gates to Heaven fell from the sky today and crushed Gary, Indiana into dust.  “My bad,” the owner of Heaven, God, said this morning.  “I’ve been meaning to have the pearly gates repaired for several centuries now, but just haven’t gotten around to it.  It simply slipped my mind.  No, that’s not it.  I was busy helping heal the sick of India so I didn’t have time to fix them.  Yeah, that sounds much better.  Also, I was busy preventing cancer and heart attacks all around the globe, so gate-fixing was the farthest thing from my mind, OK?  Oh, hell, what difference does it make anyway?  It was GARY that was smashed to dust for Christ’s sake, not a REAL city like New York.  In two years, no one will remember any of this, so whip-Dee-frickin’-do!  Get over it already.  BTW, if anyone out there knows of a good contractor, let me know.  I’ve got a huge-ass gate to rebuild up here in Heaven, and I’ve no idea where to begin.”

16 thoughts on “Pearly Gate Falls From Heaven, Crushes Gary, Indiana”

  1. Wow! Now that the “pearly gates” are gone, maybe I can slip in unnoticed. Ya’ think?

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  2. Is this a freak of nature or divine accident

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  3. Trump will make heaven great again!

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  4. A befitting end for Gary Indiana.

    Wait… God needs a contractor? Are his powers of poof slipping?

    Wait, I thought the dog was all knowing, all seeing, and all powerful? If the gate fell on Indiana it must have been because gay people and Democrats.

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