Meowville, North Carolina. Are you so lazy it makes you poor? Do you find yourself having to eat cat and dog food because you can’t afford anything else to eat? Do you wish there were a pet food that was so packed with nutrients it could help alleviate some of your nutritional concerns as you patiently await death by starvation? Well, then, we here at Conservative Pet Foods, Inc have just the thing for you: ‘Lil Kitty Cat Food. ‘Lil Kitty Cat Food was created by GOP scientists especially for poor and disabled people who are too lazy, drunk and stupid to look for work. Why suffer with poor nutrition as you await the Grim Reaper? Stop eating the trash of your wealthier neighbors and pick up a few cans of ‘Lil Kitty Cat Food today. Your neighbors will thank you for it, as will the police they call every time they catch you digging through their garbage for scraps. Order a few cans now, for just .55 cents a piece, and we’ll toss in a Jesus Hates Beggars T-shirt absolutely free, while supplies last.
*This message has been approved by the Republican National Committee to wipe out the hungry by 2018.