Man Buys Wolverine As Pet, Has Face Torn Off

Miami, Florida.   A locale man who purchased a wolverine from an online pet store had his face torn off by it when it arrived at his home last night.   “Yeah, in retrospect, this was perhaps not a great idea,” said Herbert Dumfuchr, the man in question, “but I’ve wanted to have a pet wolverine ever since I was a kid.  They’re SOOOO cute!

Herbert Dumbfuchr

Herbert Dumfuchr

After a great deal of research, I found an exotic online pet store that sold them, bought one, and had it shipped to my house.  I know wolverines have a reputation for being wild and very aggressive, but, hey, I’m a real sweetheart of a guy, and I figured the wolverine would sense this and give me kisses as soon as it saw me.  Needless to say, that didn’t happen.  The little bugger jumped onto my head the moment I took it out of its crate, tore my face off, then scurried away.  Live and learn, eh?  Live and learn.  Oh, if you’re in the Miami area and see a wolverine running around with a human face in its mouth, please call me at 1-555-555-4534.  There may still be time to have it reattached to my skull.  Thanks, and God bless.”

26 thoughts on “Man Buys Wolverine As Pet, Has Face Torn Off

  1. This totally made me think of Tyrion and the dragons…have you seen the latest episode?


  2. On occasion I have been known to eat a light bulb for kicks
    But a animal who eats face
    Well I guess it takes all kinds
    Hell cheap thrills
    Are so……
    Any more


  3. Reblogged this on Spartan Eye and commented:

    I love this witty, astute, anarchic site and you should take a wander.


  4. Oh damn it! I just ordered a wolverine from Amazon. I may return it now 😀


  5. Normally, I’d be laughing right now. But, after having been nearly attacked by a golden eagle recently and advised by an expert not to walk again in that area, I’m a little sensitive about wild animal encounters.


  6. Wow rough. But it does show how tough the digestive system of wolverine’s are if they can handle that guys face. Thanks for the warning, next time he should try African killer bees as house pets? Hugs


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