02.16.16
by

Meet Carly, The Carpet Bomb

Hello. I'm Carly, the Carpet Bomb. Do you have enemies who'd you'd like to kill? Do your neighbors do things so differently than you it makes you ill? Then you need my services. How do I work? Easy. Simply wait til as many people you dislike and want dead are gathered in one spot and drop me on top of them from a helicopter or high ladder. I'll cover the bastards and cut off their oxygen until they're all dead. I'm reusable, and stain free, so if any of your enemies decides to bleed or throw up on me, you can easily wash it out. Order my services now for 12.99 a kill, and I'll bring my friend, Terry the Throw Rug with me to help you kill those pesky kids who keep running on your new lawn. Just toss Tommy on top of the kids, and, presto, he'll tear their heads off for you.

Hello.  I’m Carly, the Carpet Bomb.  Do you have enemies you’d like to kill?  Do your neighbors do things so differently than you that it makes you ill?  Then you need my services.  How do I work?  Easy.  Simply wait til as many people you dislike are gathered in one spot and drop me on top of them from a helicopter or high ladder.  I’ll cover the bastards and cut off their oxygen until they’re all dead.  I’m reusable, and stain free, so if any of your enemies decide to bleed or throw up on me, it easily washes out.  Order my services now for only 12.99 a kill, and I’ll bring my friend, Terry, the Small Throw Rug with me to help you kill those pesky neighborhood kids who run on your lawn and make noise.  Just toss Tommy on top of them, and, presto, they suffocate like bagged rats in a decompression chamber.  Don’t let your enemies and others who bother you live.  They don’t deserve to.

12 thoughts on “Meet Carly, The Carpet Bomb”

  1. Surely this is what Trump needs…or rather, what we need to get rid of him once and for all!

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  2. I was wondering if it would work on the constant threat we have from possums and alligator young. The possums want to dig under my home and tear up the A/C duct work… the alligators want simply to lay in the driveway and under our cars…. does it work under cars ???? love the post and hugs

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  4. Oh my, I’ve been carpet bombed!!!

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  5. Fido bombed (and irrigated) my carpets – all of them. Aaaargh!!

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