Ask Cryptic Kenny

Another new advice column from your pals at The Arm Chair Pontificator.

Dear Cryptic Kenny, I'm having a problem with young kids running around on my lawn and making noise. I've yelled, begged, and pleaded with them to stop, but they won't. My Republican friends tell me I should buy a gun and stand my ground by shooting a few of the little buggers. I'm rather partial to this idea, but live on a very limited budget and don't have much money to spend on a weapon. Do you know where I can buy a gun and bullets at a reasonable price for someone in my situation? Thanks, Shirley Crankypants, Early Childhood Education Professor, University of Chicago, Chicago, Illinois

Dear Cryptic Kenny, I’m having a problem with young kids running around on my lawn and making noise. I’ve yelled, begged, and pleaded with them to stop, but they won’t.  My Republican friends tell me I should buy a gun and stand my ground by shooting a few of the little buggers in the head.  I’m rather partial to this idea, but live on a very limited budget and don’t have much money to spend on a weapon.  Do you know where I can buy a gun and bullets at a reasonable price for someone in my situation?   Thanks, Shirley Crankypants, Early Childhood Education Professor, University of Chicago, Chicago, Illinois

 

Professor Crankypants, thank you for your intelligent, well thought out question. The difference between the side and the bottom is the same as the circumference of the top divided by the square root of X. I hope you find this a clarifying and spiritually fulfilling answer. Yours in the woods, Cryptic Kenny

Professor Crankypants, thank you for your intelligent, well thought out question.  The difference between the side and the bottom is the same as the circumference of the top divided by the square root of X.  I hope you find this a clarifying and spiritually fulfilling answer.   Yours in the woods, Cryptic Kenny

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18 thoughts on “Ask Cryptic Kenny

  1. This is PRICELESS!!!!

  2. I think you should put this guy in touch with tRump. They each make about the same amount of sense.,

  3. Maybe he should put cat nip on the kids and let the cat take care of them. I would suggest darts. Cheaper, don’t need a permit and they hurt like heck when you get one in the butt. Takes the smile right off your anywhere. Giggle giggle. 🙂 Hugs

  4. Haha.
    That answer would take one years to decode

  5. Watch out Kenny, Kitty looks annoyed!

  6. Love your posts, all of them. Thanks for always bringing a smile to my lips, I hope no one is looking for a smile anywhere else, anyway, thanks and Aloha -pjs/

  7. So that’s what you look like in a tin foil hat!

    That cat is clearly plotting revenge.

    Ms. Crankypants will certainly be voting R. Right after she gets her gun with no background check at a gun show.

  8. Bless him

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