Sacrifice City, California. Is your baby holding back your social life? Do you need a break from all those “parental” responsibilities that are simply wearing you the fuck out? Well, then we’ve got just the thing for you. Abraham’s Baby Sitting Service. Abraham, yes, THAT Abraham, has returned to Earth to offer his services as a babysitter, for the nominal fee of $65.95 per hour, to parents who need a good ole fashioned break from, well, parenting. Who better to leave your child with than the decrepit old fart who almost killed his son because “God” told him to? How many babysitters do you know who can even claim to have spoken to God at all, eh? None that we can think of, that’s for sure. So, if you feel it’s time for a break from your child, simply leave him in the hands of the guy God spoke to and said: “STOP! Don’t cut your boy’s throat. I was just fuckin’ with ya!” Book an appointment to have Abe watch your child today at http://www.godtalks2abe.com, and receive, absolutely free, a shiny new, solid silver, steak-carving knife. Oh, and remember, tell Abe the Pontificator sent ya’.