Products I Invented That No One Bought

Here are a few cool products I invented that I thought would make me rich, but for some odd reason, no one bought them.

1.)

The Wormhole Cleaner. Are you tired of wandering through dust encrusted wormholes every time you decide to open one and visit your alien friends on the other side of the galaxy? Then the Wormhole Cleaner is the thing for you. Just place it in front of you on your next trip through a wormhole, and every bit of filthy, germ carrying dust in it will safely be sucked up into the device.

The Wormhole Cleaner.    Are you tired of wandering through dust encrusted wormholes every time you decide to open one and visit your alien friends on the other side of the galaxy?  Then the Wormhole Cleaner is the thing for you.  Just place it in front of you on your next trip through a wormhole, and every bit of filthy, germ ridden dust in it will safely be sucked up into the device to be disposed of later.

 

2.)

Grain Alcohol Flavored Bubble Gum. If you love the mouth burning feeling you get when drowning your troubles away with grain alcohol, you'll love this gum. It has all of the taste and burn of grain alcohol with none of the buzz and the flavor lasts for hours.

Grain Alcohol Flavored Bubble Gum.   If you love the mouth burning feeling you get when drowning your troubles away with grain alcohol, you’ll love this delicious new bubble gum.  It has all of the taste and burn of grain alcohol with none of the annoying buzz.  The flavor lasts for hours too.

 

3.)

 Anti-restraining Order Spray. If you're like me, and have multiple restraining orders against you filed by beautiful women everywhere, then this spray is for you. Just one spray of it, and even the most harassed lady will forget she has a restraining order filed against you. Hell, if you're lucky, she'll completely forget who you are so your stalking and repeated phone calls and freely start all over again.

Anti-restraining Order Spray.   If you’re like me, and have multiple restraining orders filed against you by a slew of beautiful women, then this spray is for you.  Just one spray of it, and even the most harassed lady will forget she has a restraining order filed against you.  Two sprays, and she’ll completely forget who you are so your stalking and repeated phone calls can freely start all over again.

 

4.)

The Weather Balloon Baby Sitter. Just place your baby in the sealed crib, fill the balloon with helium, and set it adrift. Your baby enjoys hours of fun time drifting through Earth's upper atmosphere whilst you and your significant other whoopie down below in peace and quite. If the automatic return switch on the device works, your baby should be returned to you, unharmed, 3 or 4 hours later.

The Weather Balloon Baby Sitter.  Just place your baby in the sealed crib, fill the balloon with helium, and set it adrift.  Your baby enjoys hours of fun time drifting through Earth’s upper atmosphere whilst you and your significant other make wild, crazy love down below in peace and quite.  And, if the automatic return switch on the device works, your baby should return to you, unharmed, in 3 to 4 hours, completely relaxed and ready for a bottle.

 

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18 thoughts on “Products I Invented That No One Bought

  1. You are a genius not doubt about it… soon that Noble Prize will be soaring to you… just watch out for the government intercept drones…. they are a nuisance and a bitch some times… Hugs

  2. Number 4 killed me!!

  3. In future I may want the weather balloon baby sitter

  4. It’s a conspiracy! The fed/fema/obama administration does not want you to be successful, so the zionist-jesuit-freemasons covered up you awesome inventions.

  5. Do the worm hole cleaners come in industrial strength?

  6. Damn! A few years back I sure could have used one of those weather ballon gizmos.

    That anti restraing order spray is intriguing. Never had the gonads/insanity level to be a stalker. This product makes it possible to try it out just for kicks.

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