You Know You’re a Republican If……

stock-photo-illustration-of-a-republican-elephant-mascot-of-the-republican-grand-old-party-gop-wearing-hat-and-112207634

1.) You see a black teenager in a hoodie walking through your cul-de-sac and you immediately draw your concealed handgun and kill him.

2.) You insist undocumented Hispanics living in America be violently deported yet, secretly, have several of them working for you in menial labor jobs for .15 cents an hour.

3.) The Pastor of your church is also the head of your local Klu Klux Klan division.

4.) You truly, deeply believe America was founded by, and for, Christians sometime in the early 1950’s.

5.) You have a deep faith that Jesus is the loving savior of all mankind and hates gays.

6.) You believe the poor, disabled guy who just asked you for a dollar is a lazy, mooching bastard living off the tax dollars of real Americans like you.

7.) You think people who find Donald Trump to be a repugnant excuse of a human being are leftist, Commie, Muslim, liberal, atheist terrorists who are destroying America.

8.) You believe a woman’s right to choose ends with what she decides to wear for the day.

9.) You believe being asked to pay taxes for the public services you use is akin to being asked to have your testicles removed without the benefit of anesthesia.

10.) You think it’s a goddamn shame the Confederacy lost the fuckin’ war.

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42 thoughts on “You Know You’re a Republican If……

  1. Reblogged this on Scotties Toy Box and commented:

    So well said and written.. The author is a brilliant light on the facts of today. Hugs

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  2. Well, at least now I know…I’m not a Republican. Phew ๐Ÿ˜‰

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  3. Have you been to Tennessee lately? 2 through 10 I have seen here. Many on a daily basis. Teh fucking crazy is strong here.

    Literally, there is a town not 6 miles from here that boasts about the lynching of a black man here many years ago. Any black people who spend any time in town soon get the message. “Be out of town by sundown” I really wish I was making this up.

    Most of them good x-ian folk. Yesiree. This is partly why I use Shelldigger instead of my real name. Though if any of these inbred dickwads had two neurons to rub together they could figure it out pretty quick… I don’t have a confederate flag flying in my yard!

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    • Oh, I know. I’m not making this shit up. Wish I were, but reality is so much crazier, and scarier, than fiction.

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    • The fact that you are spot on with your satire is exactly what makes it scary.

      I fear the human race is doomed to extinction at the hands of the morons. I, you, we, you know who you are, we are the outliers witnessing the downward spiral. It’s like watching a train wreck, you really don’t want to see what is happening, but at the same time can’t stop watching it unfold.

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    • Too true. Watching Donald Trump, who could well be our next President, carry on like the bigoted, vile, shit-bag he is with so few saying, “This is wrong”, is a sign to me that we are, indeed, doomed. Things aren’t getting bad; they’ve been bad for a long time and this is the result. Ugh.

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  4. You nailed it!

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  5. I know I am no repub.

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  6. Right on! I can always trust you to say exactly what I think. How the hell do you do that. Oh, well, on of the great mysteries I will have to live with. – Aloha – pjs/

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  7. Your are both wise and quite funny!

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  8. 11) You believe the earth is 5,000 years old

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  9. hilarious and true. i am thinking republican is a synonym for narcissist

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