12.17.15
by

Christmas Wishes From The Bible

1.) Baby Jesus:

Baby Jesus says, "It's my birthday, and I'll cry if I want to. Now, would someone PLEASE change my god damn diaper!"

“Merry Christmas.  It’s my birthday, and I’ll cry if I want to.  Now, would someone PLEASE change my god damn diaper!”

 

2.) Lazarus:

"Merry Christmas, y'all. I hope your holiday will be better than mine. I have to spend mine alone cause I smell like rotting flesh and death. Kinda spoils the fun for others when I'm around."

“Merry Christmas, y’all. I hope your holiday will be better than mine. I have to spend mine alone cause I smell like rotting flesh and death. Kinda spoils the fun for others when I’m around.”

 

3.) Yahweh:

"Merry Christmas everyone. Look at me! Look at me! I'm God! I don't have to wear clothes on Christmas or any other day, either! Ha! Ha! It's good ta be God!"

“Merry Christmas everyone. Look at me! Look at me! I’m God! I don’t ever have to wear clothes, even on Christmas! Ha! Ha! It’s good ta be God!”

 

4.) The Virgin Mary:

"Like, Merry Christmas peeps. I just told my husband I'm pregnant and he ain't the pops, God is, and he fainted! Pretty hilarious, eh?"

“Like, Merry Christmas peeps. I just told my husband I’m pregnant and he ain’t the pops, God is, and he fainted! Pretty hilarious, eh?”

13 thoughts on “Christmas Wishes From The Bible”

  1. Thanks to you, I’ll be falling asleep laughing. Thanks 😉

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  2. Thanks for the reminder of what really happens when you raise the dead. They don’t become like there were when alive and it really is unfair to them. Guess I wont do do it anymore, raising the dad, not the rotting part, I will still keep rotting as it cuts down on people at my door asking “do you have Jesus?, and “are you saved?. Love the post. Hugs

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  3. In Joseph’s defence, he was 90 years old, and 90 year olds are really only interested in soup.

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  4. That can’t be ol’ Yahweh. The ol’ goat’s thingy woulda been hangin’ down. Howd’ya think the virgin got preggers? Hey?

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  5. Great pics my friend.
    That Mary’s wish remind me of the joke if god really wanted to impress us, he would have made Joseph pregnant

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  6. What a cast! Baby Jesus reminds me of Stewie Griffin. Poor Lazarus… poorer hubby of Virgin Mary… and a drugged-up Yahweh – marvelous!

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