Celebrity Bible Reviews

bible3Here are some celebrity reviews of The Bible I recently found in The New York Times.


Donald_Trump_by_Gage_Skidmore1.) This book is AWESOME.  There’s killing for the Lord, genocide in his name, infanticide, glorification of slavery, and enough misogynistic rhetoric to make any man with a small dick feel strong.   I highly recommend reading it and using it to guide your life.  Donald Trump


Pope Francis 6552.) This book sucks.  It’s completely unbelievable.  There’s a part where a “virgin” gets pregnant, tells her husband, “God did it,” and he believes her.  Yeah.  Right.  Blow me.   Pope Francis


palin3.) This book has gore, violence, and horror in it.  I’ve never read a piece of literature filled with such a lust for blood.  It needs to be BANNED from our schools and homes.  It’s anti-American.  Wait…I was thinking of The Koran.  The Bible is not like that at all.  Never mind.   Sarah Palin


MTIxNDI3MjkzNDE1MTc5Nzg54.) Brilliant book on truth, science, and reality.  I never knew the Earth was only 6000 years old until I read this gem of intellectual wisdom.  Republican Presidential Candidate, Ben Carson.


Bill-Clinton5.) I LOVED this book.  It has sex in it.  Former President, Bill Clinton.

30 thoughts on “Celebrity Bible Reviews

  1. Found in the “New York Times”! This is awesome! 😀


  2. Don’t like it. There’s nothing about suicide bombers or virgins in Paradise. It also ignore the gun issue.


  3. Ugh! Trump, Palin, Carson, and the dopey popey all in one post. I have to go bleach my brain now.

    But otherwise brilliant 🙂


  4. Do keep that eloquent pen working on Trump…for the sake of the USA you and your chums must pile on the pressure.


    • I’m not being facetious when I say he is a mirror image of Hitler. I want him to win the Republican nomination. He’ll get destroyed by Hilary Clinton in the general election, and the Republicans will be left to clean up the damage they did to themselves by not shutting this asshole down sooner. Some of them are now saying things against him, but, like Hitler, he’s gained a lot of fanatical disciples and they’re too late, I’m afraid.


  5. Great comments by John and Victoria, but I couldn’t reply to them for some reason. The comment editor might be screwed up again or I’m having browser issues. “Helping the Retarded to Know God” – awesome!


  6. You’ve just reminded me, I have compiled reviews for Helping the Retarded to Know God, but haven’t gotten around to posting them.


    • Seriously? Or are you Poe’s Law-ing me? I hope you’re serious because, if you are, I MUST read those reviews!


    • What i lie to you? Here are the first three… Some a true gems

      By Pen Name on July 12, 2014: I bought this book and used it to explain to my daughter, whom I call ‘mittens’, why she is likely to go to hell. She drooled a lot but I think it really sunk in, because she immediately stopped masturbating our trips to Wal-Mart. That was always embarrassing, but now she has the lord.

      By Jb Fox on January 18, 2015: There is already a book that helps the retarded know God. It’s called the bible.

      By BillEAV on December 16, 2014: It was hard for Jimmy to look at kids with hearts on the inside of their body’s and normally formed lips, but this book helped him understand gods plan. His short painful life will soon be over and he’ll be rewarded in heaven, just like a serial killer who coverts at the last minute


    • Fuckin’ brilliant! Love it. My kinda writing.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Please post them John. They should be some entertaining material

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I will gladly help plate tectonics. Anyway, Billy Clinton’s review is hardly surprising, isn’t?


  8. LOL — Carson and Trump were spot on, although Trump has never cracked open a bible in his life. 😀


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