Ask Yahweh

Now for another new advice column: Ask Yahweh.

Dear Yahweh, my name is Daisy Sue McGiggles, and I was wondering why there's so much pain and suffering in the world? You created it, right? So why did my Grannie have to die last year, and why is my Daddy always grouchy when he comes home from work? Why, Yahweh? Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Oh, one last thing, please have a Merry Christmas, OK? Love always, Your Creation, Daisy Sue McGiggles

Dear Yahweh, my name is Daisy Sue McGiggles, and I was wondering why there’s so much pain and suffering in the world? You created the world and made it like this, right?  So why did my Granny have to die last year, and why is my Daddy always grouchy when he comes home from work? Why, Yahweh? Why?! Why?! Why?!  Oh, one last thing, please have a Merry Christmas, OK?   Love always, Your Creation, Daisy Sue McGiggles

 

Dear Daisy Sue McGiggles, up yer nose with a friggin' rubber hose, OK?! How the fudge sticks are you to ask me friggin' questions like those? What are you, like 3 years old? I tell ya' what Daisy Sue, you seem like a good lass so I'm gonna let your REALLY annoying questions pass this time. But the next time you ask me a question without kissing my old, wrinkled butt and swearing your undying love to me FIRST, I'm gonna turn yer Mom into a spider and yer Teddy Bear into a flesh eating ghoul. Ya' got it, kiddo? I'm Yahweh, dammit! And I'm NOT to be questioned! I'm the King and I do what I want, OK? Oh, and I hope you and your family have a blessed and safe Christmas, too. Love always, your Creator, Yahweh.

Dear Daisy Sue McGiggles, up yer nose with a friggin’ rubber hose, OK?!  Who the fudge sticks are you to ask ME friggin’ questions like those?  What are you, like 3 years old?  I tell ya’ what Daisy Sue, you seem like a good lass so I’m gonna let your REALLY annoying questions pass this time.  But the next time you ask me a question without kissing my old, wrinkled butt and swearing your undying love to me FIRST, I’m gonna turn yer Mom into a spider and yer Teddy Bear into a flesh-eating ghoul.  Ya’ got that, kiddo?  I’m Yahweh, dammit!  YAH-FRICKIN’-WEH!  And I’m NOT to be questioned!  I be da King, and I do what I want, when I want. OK?  Oh, and I hope you and your family have a blessed and safe Christmas, too.   Love Always, Your Creator, Yahweh

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18 thoughts on “Ask Yahweh

  1. Pingback: 20151207-1347-Link – The Daily Pause

  2. Actually tears in my eyes :’)

  3. I want to know where that fucking phone plugs in!?

    Having a direct line to such a nasty son of a bitch would be awesome…wait a minute you could call Trump instead 🙂

  4. But … but … but … this is not what they taught me in Sunday School!

  5. Ha! I always supected it, now I have photo proof. He’s a nasty, ugly, obscene, rude old man. No wonder He made so many of us just like Him!

  6. There are apologists who to defend their imaginary god asks who are we to question god?

  7. YAH-FRICKIN’-WEH!

    priceless

  8. Just like Job!

    Nice pic. 😉

  9. Pingback: 20151207-1347-Link | The Blogging Path

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