Howdy folks! I’m White Saturday, Black Friday’s manager. I’m sure many of you have never heard of me, so I decided to introduce myself, and explain my role in Black Friday’s life. This is a very busy time of year for Black Friday. He’s wanted EVERYWHERE consumer goods are sold, especially today, the day after Thanksgiving. It’s my job to manage Black Friday’s time and ensure the preservation of his emotional core. Before Black Friday hired me to do these things, he tried to be everywhere at once. This caused him to have an emotional breakdown which incapacitated him for three years from 1979 to 1981. Thus, no after Thanksgiving Day sales took place those years. However, now that he’s hired me, I make sure that his appearances are limited to 3 hour shifts and that everyone who wants to take advantage of the great sales he provides is aware the same sales will be taking place on the Saturday after the Friday following Thanksgiving, a day Black Friday and I are lobbying Congress to call, Caucasian Saturday. Black Friday and I hope you all have a safe and violence free Black Friday and remember, what you can’t buy today, you can always buy tomorrow.
The Arm Chair Pontificator 
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Hahaha, this is SO funny! The madness of black friday! People never cease to amaze me…
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Thank you kindly. 🙂
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… everyone who wants to take advantage of the great sales he provides is aware the same sales will be taking place … at 10,000 other stores as well!
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Yep. Black Friday was VERY busy yesterday.
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Keep helping black Friday. Next I see is this craze will spread to my neck of woods
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It’s a crazy shopping day here.
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I read about it online.
If only they paid such attention to voting!
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Too true, my friend. Too true.
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Did you not hear? Black Friday got shot when a police officer mistook his twinkie for an assault weapon!
Cue your next post 😀
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Did one like that just recently: https://variouspontifications.com/2015/11/11/black-friday-shot-47-times-by-police/ 🙂
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HA! And I liked it! So it must have been lingering in my subconscious 😀
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😀
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Dude, you should be a comedy writer. This is golden.
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Thanks. I’d like to write for Bill Maher. If you know him, shoot him and email and have him contact me. I’d appreciate it. 🙂
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You’re the PERFECT complement to Bill Maher. 🙂
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We’d make a great team, eh?
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That would be a good gig
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It would. He and I think very much alike.
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